There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been traveling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel. He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again. Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three busty blondes sitting in it. He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help. The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want." The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash. When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr." After thinking for a short while he replied,"Could you hold my camel?"
How many University of Miami freshman does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. It's a sophomore course.
A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, " What's the camel for?" The Sergeant replied, " Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, we have the camel." The Captain said "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been at the fort for about 2 months, the Captain started feeling the urge, and would gaze at the camel, but shake his head and walk away. After 4 months, the urge was more intense, but the Captain refused to even look at the camel. After 6 months, the Captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his Sergeant, " BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the Captain's quarters. The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, " Is that how the enlisted men do it?" The Sergeant replied, " Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town.
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When I was 11.... We were having a nice family dinner. My little sister Paprika, isnât eating, and so mom asks her why. She replies, matter of factly, âI donât want to eat this shit.â Mom stares at her with her mouth gaping open. Dad responds with, âWHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!â âI donât want to eat this shit,â she repeats. My dad, standing up, furious says âI could take you into the bathroom right now and make you eat shitâ To which I said,"Paprika, Slow down when you repeat things. Say it one more time.â My sister again repeats, âI. Donât. Want. To. Eat. This. Yet.â She said that itâs too hot.
And speaking of camels: A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well sister, this looks pretty grim." "I know, father" the nun answered. "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two." "I agree" said the nun. "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?" "Anything father." "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours." "Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm." The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty. "Sister would you mind if I touched them?" She consented and he fondled them for several minutes. "Father, could I ask something of you?" "Yes sister?" "I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?" "I suppose that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe. "Oh father, may I touch it?" This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection. "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life." "Is that true father?" "Yes it is, sister." "Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and lets get the fuck out of here."
An 'American' tourist couple, both sociologists, were walking the streets of a small town in Saudi Arabia. It was nearing the middle of the day and they didn't want to miss lunch at their ramshackle hotel - the only one in town and which always served meals promptly. They came upon an old herder perched on a stool beside his camel. "Excuse me, sir," the man asked, "but could you tell me the time?" The old man glanced at them, spat in the dirt, then turned and reached under his camel and hefted the animal's testicles. After a moment, he released them. "It is 10 minutes before noon," he replied. The couple exchanged confused looks, thanked the man and hurried back to their hotel, arriving just in time for the meal. Later that day, the wandering couple found themselves again on the same street and spied the old herder perched beside his camel, apparently unmoved. Curious as to how he could tell time by fondling his animal's balls---an old Muslim craft?-- they approached him and asked again, "Sir, can you tell us the time?" They watched closely as he again reached up and grabbed the camel's jewels, seemingly judging their weight, then pronounced, "It is half-past four." The couple excitedly exchanged looks. The woman blurted, "Oh, sir! That is an amazing ability you have! Could you show us how you do it?!? "Surely," the herder responded tiredly, and motioned them to squat beside him. "Now, grasp his balls gently and lift them up to his belly." The woman did so while her companion watched. "What now?", she inquired. "Now," said the old man, "look over there, can you now see the clock in the far tower? When the big hand is on the..."
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Dr. Neil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started....... So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonay , a bole of Baileys, a butle of Kehuha, a pockage of biscuits , the mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke, some saltins an a bax a cholates.. Yu haf no idr who gud I fel.