Top Four 2008 Adult Jokes Fourth Place : A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.' She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.' ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Third Place : One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.' The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. 'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?' ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Runner Up: Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. 'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked. 'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?' 'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed. 'Yes, I did.' he replied. 'My God, Bill, what happened?' 'I got fired.' 'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?' 'Oh...she got fired too!' ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Winner: A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.' 'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.' 'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.' Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. 'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.' 'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!'
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."
In the pre-Elizabethan era, chickens were routinely known to use their feathers and claws as important part of their courtship dance. Even this was thought to be taboo behavior by the more prudish society of the time, the sexually stimulating feather swinging was routinely carried out behind closed chicken-house doors. In addition, to avoid harm to their roosters, the chickens would rub their claws on any rough surface, such as cobblestones, until their claws became silky smooth to give their mates more sexual pleasure. This mating ritual still exists, which explains why chickens still smooth their claws by repeated walking back and forth across road surfaces, to this day.
Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken glimpsed a light on the horizon and it is going to cross the road looking for truth justice and liberty for all. (Which reminds me, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, until the accident)
2 PAKIS WALK OUT OF DIVORCE COURT. A MAN AND A WOMAN. WOMANS CRYING HER EYES OUT. MAN TURNS AND SAYS "DONT WORRY, WE'RE STILL COUSINS".
So I checked into a hotel and said to the receptionist, âI hope the porn channel in my room is disabled.â âNo,â she said, âitâs regular porn, you sick bastard.â (°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸ I think I'm in love °º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸) A girl after my own heart, she understands me.
Hmnnnn... quick Quiz. How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? Suck his dick. ---------------------- Holy shit am I out of touch.. The above joke is a republican joke. I am thoroughly ficked and gotta get busy for some Dem dog jokes.
A guy called the vet on the phone in a panic, "Doctor, my dog just swallowed Nancy Pelosi's jet. What should I do?" "Hump his leg," the vet replied.
You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980s. Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster, extremely jealous, and in his twisted mind, loved Jodie Foster to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan. There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having been rehabilitated. Consequently, you may appreciate the following letter from John McCain that the staff at the mental facility, treating Hinckley , reports to have intercepted this past weekend: To: John Hinckley From: John McCain My wife Cindy and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our fine country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is a non partisan consensus of compassion and forgiveness throughout. My wife and I want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all, are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. We are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man. Best Wishes, John and Cindy McCain PS: While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. Just thought you should know.