I'd heard that it was the in thing to convert two rooms into one, to increase living space. What a load of crap, my living room is now 20 foot high but doesn't seem any fucking roomier.
Man: Do you know the difference between a penis and a chicken leg? Women: No, why? Man: Fancy going on a picnic?
Another Good Oldie A couple of city boys are out in the woods hunting for the first time when one of them grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone frantically and calls 911. He yells at the operator, "Help!! I think my friend James is dead! What should I do? What??" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy Sir, and follow my instructions carefully. First, let's make sure your friend dead." A few seconds silence... and then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line, "OK lady, NOW WHAT?"
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: âOkay! Okay! Iâm a rabbit! Iâm a rabbit!â
Bad news, Mom accidentally ate a bowlful of mini Brillo pads which she'd mistaken for Shredded Wheat. The news from the hospital is good, they expect her to scrape through.