Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. cweb

    cweb

    MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?

    JUNIOR : You said it was my lunch money.
     
    #381     Jul 31, 2007
  2. cweb

    cweb

    A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from
    the police that contained another picture... of handcuffs.The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.!!
     
    #382     Jul 31, 2007
  3. cweb

    cweb

    There once was a blonde, a brunette and a red head and they were stranded in the desert and there car broke down and they all decided to take one item with them so the burnet took her cell phone just incase she got a signal some where she could call for help the red head took her canteen of water the blond took
    the car door after walking for 3 hours the blonde said oh yah i for got i carried this door the whole time and forgot to roll down the window no wonder i have been so hot
     
    #383     Jul 31, 2007
  4. I'm guessing there's a missing punchline here?

    Just a guess: "Beethoven's decomposing!"
     
    #384     Jul 31, 2007
  5. cweb

    cweb

    A Blonde was driving down the road, and spotted another
    Blonde in the middle of a hayfield rowing a boat. She stopped the car, got out and went to the shoulder of the road, and yelled, "You know, it's blondes like you that give blondes a bad name!, and if I could swim I would come out there and kick your ass!"
     
    #385     Jul 31, 2007
  6. cweb

    cweb

    A blonde and a lawyer were seated next to each other on a long flight. To pass the time, the lawyer suggested that they try to stump one another with trivia.

    "If I ask you something that you don't know, you owe me $5. The same goes if you ask me something I don't know." The blonde refused. "Okay. If you don't know an answer, you pay me $5, but if I don’t know an answer, I pay you $50." The blonde accepted. The Lawyer went first. "What is the distance from the earth to the moon?"

    The blonde didn't say anything, but merely reached into her purse, pulled out a $5 bill and handed it to the lawyer. Then it was her turn.

    "What has four legs going up a hill, but only three coming down?"

    The lawyer had no idea, so he gave her a $50 bill.

    "So, what is it?"

    The blonde said nothing, but merely reached into her purse and gave a $5 bill to the lawyer.
     
    #386     Jul 31, 2007
  7. cweb

    cweb

    Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after she leaves, they'll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know?

    The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.
    The redhead is elevated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner dates.
    The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs she hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closes the door and creeps out of her house.

    The next day, the brunette and the redhead talk about
    leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she exclaims, "NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!"
     
    #387     Jul 31, 2007
  8. cweb

    cweb

    There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off."
    After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping.
     
    #388     Jul 31, 2007
  9. cweb

    cweb

    A blond, a brunette and a redhead escape from jail and
    Decide to hide in a barn. As they hear the police closing in, they climb into the loft and hide in three empty burlap feed bags. A young officer climbed into the loft, shined his flashlight around, and decided to check the burlap bags. He kicked the first bag containing the brunette, and she responded with a convincing "woof". He kicked the second bag with the redhead inside, and she let out a perfect cat’s meow. "Nothing up here but cats and dogs," the officer responded to his superior. Deciding to be sure, he kicked the last bag, the one containing the blonde. She yelled out "Potatoes!!!"
     
    #389     Jul 31, 2007
  10. cweb

    cweb

    Every philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room; Marxist
    philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, but the cat isn't
    there; Soviet philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, the cat
    isn't there, but you keep shouting "I've found it! I've found it!"
     
    #390     Jul 31, 2007