Why did the circus flea cross the road? To get its pay ! DO YOU GET IT ? NO????.......... NEITHER DID THE Flea. Ahahahahahaha
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A successful trader parked his brand-new Porsche in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the driver's side. The trader immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the trader started screaming hysterically. His Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined. When the trader finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can not believe how materialistic you traders are," the cop said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the trader. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "My God!" screamed the trader. "My Rolex!"
California Drivers License Test LA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION: Name:______________ Stage name:________________ Agent:______________ Attorney:__________________ Sex: ___Male ___Female ___Formerly Male ___Formerly Female If female, indicate breast implant size: ____ Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___ Please list brand of cell phone: __________________. (If you don't own a cell phone, please explain.) Please check hair color: Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply) [ ] Eating [ ] Applying make-up [ ] Talking on the phone [ ] Slapping kids in the backseat [ ] Having sex [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs [ ] Tanning [X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application) [ ] Watching TV [ ] Reading Variety [ ] Surfing the net via laptop Please indicate how many times: a) you expect to shoot at other drivers, and b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving. TEST If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should immediately: a) Call the police to report the crime; b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news on a high-speed chase; c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through; d) Call your therapist; e) None of the above (South Central residents only). Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____. Are you presently taking any of the following medications? a) Prozac; b) Zovirax; c) Lithium; d) Zanax; e) Valium. If none, please explain: __________________. Length of daily commute: a) 1 hour; b) 2 hours; c) 3 hours; d) 4 hours or more. When stopped by police, should you a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready, b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405, c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit? ******************** Please turn in your test to the lady behind the bulletproof virtual window on your left.
I hooked up with a chinese chick last night as the bar was closing. She said she was up for anything. I said "how about a 69"? She said "get lost. I'm not cooking this time of night!"