Jokes 2

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The teacher asked little Nutmeg if he knew his numbers yet.


“Yes, teacher,” I said, “my dad taught me.”

“Good, Nutmeg. Tell me what comes after two,” the teacher said. “Three,” replied Nutmeg.


“Very good. What comes after five, Nutmeg?” asked the teacher. “Six,” answered Nutmeg.

“Excellent. Your dad did a very good job. Now, what comes after ten?” the teacher asked.

“A jack!” replied Nutmeg.

 

Dear Dr Stunata,

I've noticed on message boards the letters "TIA". What do these letters mean?

TIA,

Nutmeg


Dear Nutmeg,


These letters are an acronym for Transient Ischemic Attack.

A transient ischemic attack (TIA) is a transient stroke that lasts only a few minutes. It occurs when the blood supply to part of the brain is briefly interrupted. TIA symptoms, which usually occur suddenly, are similar to those of stroke but do not last as long. Most symptoms of a TIA disappear within an hour, although they may persist for up to 24 hours. Symptoms can include: numbness or weakness in the face, arm, or leg, especially on one side of the body; confusion or difficulty in talking or understanding speech; trouble seeing in one or both eyes; and difficulty with walking, dizziness, or loss of balance and coordination.

 

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An American is having breakfast, in Paris , one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.


Frenchman: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"

American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France , we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The American listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

American: "Of Course."

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).

"We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to the states."

After a moment of silence, The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France ?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.

American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

American: "We don't. In America , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France ."

 

This Is An Oldie, But Yesterday I Witnessed It Almost Exactly

MAN:
1) Pull up to machine
2) Wind window down
3) Insert ATM card, enter PIN
4) Retrieve cash
5) Drive away

WOMAN:
1) Pull up to machine
2) Open door (too far away from machine)
3) Search through all of the 112 compartments in handbag for ATM card
4) Do make up, apply lipstick, fix hair
5) Insert Card
6) Remove card
7) Insert card the correct way up
8) Search for piece of paper with PIN on it
9) Enter PIN
10) Enter correct PIN
11) Retrieve cash, put in bag
12) Drive off
13) Reverse back to machine
14) Retrieve card
15) Drive three miles away
16) Release hand-brake...

 

Classified Obituaries

A man died and his wife phoned the newspaper to place an obituary: "This is what I want to print: 'Bernie's dead.'"

The man at the newspaper said, "But for the $25 minimum you are allowed to print six words, and that's only two."

The woman answered, "OK. Then print: 'Bernie's dead. Toyota for sale, cheap!'"

 

Detroit Union Rules & Hookers----

A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention in Las
Vegas and decided to check Out the local brothels. When he got to the
first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered
Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the
street In search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His
search continued Until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam
responded, "Why Yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."
The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a
stunningly, Attractive blond.
"I'd like her," he said.
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured To a
92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years Seniority and according to union rules, she's next.

 

Speaking of Detroit and unions. I haven't figured this one out yet but it seems that New York University professors belong to the UAW.