Jokes 2

should make at least 4 hits

 

Early this morning, Bernie Madoff invited several rabbis into his home this morning. Well, first, he prayed with them. And then, you know, out of force of habit, he passed around a plate to take up a collection."

 

A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The woman opens the door. "Where do you want these blinds, lady?"

 

A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!

 

Ma plays a lot of Bingo.

She calls and tells me this.

"I woke up one morning seeing bingo balls in front of my eyes, so I went to the doctor and told him."

The Doctor looked into her eyes and said, ‘Have you seen an optician?’

She said, ‘No, just bingo balls’

 

Why are poets always so poor?

Because rhyme doesn’t pay.

Thanks.

 

Man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over; it's a big flock so he takes the bet. "973," says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away.

"Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." Man says sure. "You are an economist for a government think tank," says the shepherd. "Amazing!" responds the man, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"

"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."

 

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"

 

the accountant says what do you want it to equal?