Jokes 2

Spot the Boss!!!

 

Seasonal Q&A

Q: Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas rather than through the door?
A: Because it soots him!

 

Me: “Thank you for calling ****, this is ****. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “I am seeing ‘Searching For Satellite Signal’ on all of my receivers.”

Me: “Well, usually that is caused by the dish being a little bit out of alignment. Could you go outside and tell me if the dish appears to be moved, or if there’s anything different about it at all?”

Customer: “There are holes everywhere in the dish.”

Me: “Holes?”

Customer: “Yeah, there were a bunch of birds on the dish last night so I shot them off.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, this would be considered abuse and it will cost you $80 to get a technician over there to replace the dish.”

Customer: “Why? It’s your equipment. I didn’t do anything wrong!”

Me: “Sir, you shot the dish. You ruined it. In all actuality, that dish is yours to keep. If you ever leave us you get to keep the dish, and you also get to keep the dish you shot.”

Customer: “Well, I’m still right!”

Me: “Well, you still have to pay the $80.”

Customer: “What would I use that old dish for anyway? Why can’t you take it?”

Me: “We do not retrieve old dishes due to policy. I hear you could use it as a nice sled, though.”

 

A customer is looking in our pet store’s front window at our display of hamsters, rats and mice.)

Customer: “I want to make a complaint.”

Me: “Sure, would you like me to get the store manager?”

Customer: “Yes, right this minute.”

(I get the manager.)

Manager: “Yes, ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I can’t believe you would actually have sick rats on display in the front window! I am going to call the humane society and have this store shut down! I am sickened that would actually have poor rats that have CANCER in the storefront window!”

Manager: “… cancer?”

Customer: ” YES! Just look at the size of those TUMORS on the poor backsides of all those rats in that cage!”

Manager: “Um, ma’am… those are their testicles. They are full grown male rats.”

 

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him: “You, sir, are drunk!"

"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"

 

Yannis, as I recall that quote is usually credited to Churchill.

 

Yes, and this one too, my favorite:

"I never made a mistake in my life!... hmm... at least no mistake I couldn't explain..."



PS. Kala Christougenna!

 

HAPPY CHRISTMAS fellas

and looking forward to another cracking year



Little Johnny wakes up in the night and is feeling thirsty. He pushes open his parents door to ask permission to get a coke outa the freezer but they are just climaxing with screams and yells of delight.

What are you doing says little Johnny ?

Er well says his exhausted father - just been making you a little sister. Won't that be nice ?

yeah right says little Johnny and if you got some left-over can you make me a puppy too ?????????

 

I've said that long before I ever heard of Church hill, I think he jacked that saying from me.