Jokes 2

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES


1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the
toilet seat by using the sink.

3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut
yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the
pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock
will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep
after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.

6. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct
tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it
shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an
electrical problem.

 

In their latest bid to beef up their pitching rotation for the 2009 season, the New York Yankees today signed Iraqi journalist Muntadar al-Zeidi to a three-year deal worth $32 million.

The right-handed al-Zeidi, 28, impressed the Yankee scouts with his performance in Baghdad yesterday when he threw both of his shoes at President George W. Bush.

While neither of the shoes hit their target, both throws “had great velocity and good movement,” said Yankee owner Hank Steinbrenner.

“The first shoe was high and outside but the second one was right down the middle,” Mr. Steinbrenner said.

The Yankee boss said that he was also impressed with Mr. al-Zeidi’s fighting spirit when Secret Service agents tackled him.

“That could come in handy when we have a series with Boston,” he said.

 

This may be bad chit, but its funny.

What does Abe Lincoln, JFK, Martin Luther King Jr. and Obama have in common? Nothing yet!

Now with Obama as President, they'll have a face to put on the food stamp!!!

What's the difference between Sarah Palin naked and Michelle O'Bama naked? Playboy and National Geographic!

IF our forefather's would have known what this world was gonna come to, they would've picked their own damn cotton!!!

Well, just realize its going to be ok. Have you ever heard of a black man keeping the same job for more than 4 years?
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

 

The next four years of Presidential humor is not going to be mainstream media. The Bush humor was malicious, I'd like to see anyone put up a photo montage of Obama and chimps like they did with Bush. The pc crowd will pull the web site.

 

More change to come!
A new Mt Tushmore to be erected somewhere in Illinois, where it is found there are a few more horses @sses than there are horses.

 

Speaking Of Baseball

A little boy knocks at the door and tells the owner that something of his had found its way into her garage, and he wanted it back. The homeowner opened the garage and noticed two additions; a baseball and broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole.

“How do you suppose this ball got in here?” she asked the child.

Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at the homeowner, the little boy exclaimed, “Wow lady! I'm so good... I must have thrown it right through that hole!”

 

At a Wisconsin titty bar:


<img src="http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=2233907"/>

 

Hey! Do you think those are real?