Just to balance things out a bit. 7:00 PM â Lord Cheney shoots off starterâs pistol. Accidentally hits Rumsfeld. âDonât tell W about this, ok?â 7:05 PM - Imperial Wizard Rove advises everyone to be afraid, be very afraid, they will come kill us here if are not real afraid. 7:10 PM - Secretary Gates warns of imminent attack coming soon. Doesn't know when or who and has no real information, but what the heck, it's been a while. "Everyone be afraid, very afraid." 7:15 PM â Tony Snow announces that they killed Osamaâs second in command for the 40th time. 7:20 PM â Rupert Murdoch addresses constituents, tells of plans to buy NY Times, the entire Internet, and Washington Post, but assures journalistic integrity (as if). 7:30 PM â Robert Gonzales pardons all 150 graduates of the lowest tiered Law School in the Nation (Pat Robertsonâs Regent University)currently employed in Bush administration âjust in case.â 7:45 PM - President Bush brings up 9/11 and the connection to Iraq. 7:50 PM â Vice-President, Lord Cheney, says no connection between 9/11 and Iraq. 8:00 PM â Gonzales invokes 5th amendment, just in case. 8:15 PM â Lord Cheney says 78% of the population who are against the illegal war in Iraq are all unpatriotic cowards. 8:30 PM â Ann Coulter announces new book âWhy everyone who prefers peace is a rotten bastard, and the 9/11 widows deserved what they got.â Available in paperback, book signing in 20 minutes. 9:00 PM â George W. Bush comes to microphone and says âuh, uh, hi everyone, anyone seen those WMDâs? Maybe theyâre hiding under the podium, just like at the Press convention, hardy har.â 9:30 PM - Bush says Al-Quaeda has been pretty much eliminated. 9:35 PM - Cheney says Al-Quaeda stronger than ever, be afraid, be very afraid. Tells W to go sit down and read to the kids, things might get rough. 10:00 PM â Truth in Broadcasting award given to Bill OâReilly and Rush Limbaugh (my favorite). 10:30 PM â Nancy Grace accepts Humanitarian of the Year award. 11:00 PM â Entire building drinks full glass of Kool-Aid. 12:00 PM â Entire group fades into zombie like state of denial about anything that they could have ever done wrong. 1:00 AM â Lord Cheney shoots gun again, this time at empty beer and Kook-Aid cans. Zombies head for the Steets â Night of the walking Neo-con brain dead being filmed by Spielberg. And I'm not even a Democrat, just a Moderate Independent voter. c
The only weapon of mass distruction is in Bush's pants. And I'm a staunch conservative independent and still found the previous joke funny.
An Interesting Fact Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term " S.H.I.T " (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I - had always thought it was a golf term...
For a time I did trade FLI & PHEL the helicopter stocks (never got it right though, FLI went down and PHEL went up). I never went short POT.
A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife,! "Honey, I'll be right back." "Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. I'm going to ! have a beer." The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India , etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could thin k of saying was, "! Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know... they have frozen glasses... " He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be! right back. I promise. OK?" "You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches. "But my sweet honey... at the bar. you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that..." "You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?" and....they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?