(AP)-Paris âFrench Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney. ... The French government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at EuroDisney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.ââ
Obama dies and goes to the pearly gates where he talks with Saint Peter: Obama: St. Peter, before you tell me if I'm allowed in or not, There's a question that has been bothering me my whole life. Am I a black man with one white parent or a white man with one black parent? St. Peter: God's over there, why don't you ask him? Obama: God, Am I a black man with one white parent or a white man with one black parent? God: Son, you are what you are. Obama: St. Peter, I'm more confused than ever. God said, "You are what you are." St. Peter: OK, that means that you are a white man with one black parent. Obama: How can you be so sure? St. Peter: Well, because if you were a black man with one white parent then God would have said, "You is what you is."
What's the real difference between a Yankee Zoo and a Texas Zoo? On the cage, a Yankee Zoo will have the name of the animal and then the scientific name in Latin. Whereas, a Texas Zoo will have the name of the animal and the recipe.....!
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?" "Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No". Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy," whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" asked the boss. Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "Why are they there?" Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me...!"
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I've got a special game for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint-my-house."
Hi guys, been out of action due to ice storm. I live in the last house on the last street with the last pole, and the pole broke. Here's a photo.
65 - Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night 60 - Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one) 50 - Miami residents turn on the heat 45 - Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts 40 - You can see your breath - Californians shiver uncontrollably - Minnesotans go swimming 35 - Italian cars don't start 32 - Water freezes 30 - You plan your vacation to Australia 25 - Ohio water freezes - Californians weep pitiably - Minnesotans eat ice cream - Canadians go swimming 20 - Politicians begin to talk about the homeless - New York City water freezes - Miami residents plan vacation further South 15 - French cars don't start - Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you 10 - You need jumper cables to get the car going 5 - American cars don't start 0 - Alaskans put on T-shirts -10 - German cars don't start - Eyes freeze shut when you blink -15 - You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo - Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects - Miami residents cease to exist -20 - Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you - Politicians actually do something about the homeless - Minnesotans shovel snow off roof - Japanese cars don't start -25 - Too cold to think - You need jumper cables to get the driver going -30 - You plan a two week hot bath - Swedish cars don't start -40 - Californians disappear - Minnesotans button top button - Canadians put on sweaters - Your car helps you plan your trip South -50 - Congressional hot air freezes - Alaskans close the bathroom window -80 - Hell freezes over - Polar bears move South - Viking Fans order hot cocoa at the game -90 - Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets