A young Irish girl goes into her irish priest on Saturday morning for confession. "irish father, forgive me for I have Thinned." "You've Thinned?" "Yes" "I had a teacher once who had a lisp and it made me thick." My niece died from a lisp. I didn't know you could die from a lisp. I'll never forget her last words: "What the fuck's a thnake?"
Mom and me were driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and to spare my innocence, mom says "Don't worry, that was an insect." I said "Geez mom, I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."
Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!" He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass, but you said, 'fuck off it'll be too painful.
A guy goes into the doctors and says, "I've got a mole on my dick, can you remove it please?" So he pulls his pants down, and the doc says, "Yes sir, I can remove that mole... but I'm afraid I'm going to have to report you to the humane society."
Planning Ahead âLast week I took the first step towards getting divorced.â âDid you hire a lawyer?â âNo, I got married!â