THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY * Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. * Law of Gravity Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. * Law of Random Numbers If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. * Law of the Alibi If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. * Variation Law If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). * Law of the Bath When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. * Law of Close Encounters The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. * Law of the Result When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. * Law of Biomechanics The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. * Law of the Theater At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.. * The Starbucks Law As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. * Murphy's Law of Lockers If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. * Law of Physical Surfaces The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. * Law of Logical Argument Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. * Brown's Law of Physical Appearance If the shoe fits, it's ugly. * Oliver's Law of Public Speaking A closed mouth gathers no feet. * Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. * Doctors' Law If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick. And my favorite: * Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
What Some Engineers Do With Their Time When They Retire http://www.chilloutzone.de/files/player.swf?b=10&l=197&u=ILLUMllSOOAvIF//P_LxP92A42lCHCeeWCejXnHAS/c
Very nice, but I think I would have gotten rid of the alarm clock and replaced it with the farmers cock.
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine.. and those who don't. As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health, Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.
Bob Rubin, Citigroupâs man behind the scenes <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/LZXbC7qc-Ic&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/LZXbC7qc-Ic&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
Q. What's the difference between an arsehole and a politician ? A. Not much - both spout hot air and bullshit
When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down âhappy.â They told me I didnât understand the assignment and I told them they didnât understand life.
A blond is showing off her new tattoo of a giant seashell on her inner thigh. Her friends ask why she would get such a tattoo and in that location? She responds, âItâs really cool. If you put your ear up against it, you can smell the oceanâ.