I'm going for the best 2 out of three, I'll try again tomorrow. My initial impression is to not look at the 3 2 1 countdown, this 3 2 1 distorts the blank page you need on your brain. Secondly, I would not move your eyes reading left to right, a natural tendency, there is not enough time. Divide the screen in half and the left eye reads the left side of the screen and ditto for the right eye. I scored 25 years younger than my chronological age. I'm gonna get that score down to four. EEehhhaaaawwwwwwwwww. Aahhh, to have the brain of a four year old.
Yikes, 25 years ago my cerebrospinal fluid was Budweiser. That's not really saying much, better work on getting this puppy down to four, back when I had a clear head.
A man has been in business for many, many years and the business is going down the drain. He is seriously contemplating suicide and he doesn't know what to do. He goes to the rabbi to seek his advice. He tells the rabbi about all of his problems in the business and asks the rabbi what he should do. The rabbi says "Take a beach chair and a Bible and put them in your car and drive down to the edge of the ocean. Go to the water's edge. Take the beach chair out of the car, sit on it and take the Bible out and open it up. The wind will riffle the pages for a while and eventually the Bible will stay open at a particular page. Read the first words your eyes fall on and they will tell you what to do." The man does as he is told. He places a beach chair and a Bible in his car and drives down to the beach. He sits on the chair at the water's edge and opens the bible. The wind riffles the pages of the Bible and then stops at a particular page. He looks down at the Bible and his eyes fall on words which tell him what he has to do. Three months later the man and his family come back to see the rabbi. The man is wearing a $1,000 Italian suit, the wife is all decked out with a full-length mink coat and the child is dressed in beautiful silk. The man hands the rabbi a thick envelope full of money and tells him that he wants to donate this money to the synagogue in order to thank the rabbi for his wonderful advice. The rabbi is delighted. He recognizes the man and asks him what words in the Bible brought this good fortune to him. The man replies: "Chapter 11".
Man goes to the doctors with a hearing problem, doctor says, can you describe the symptoms? Man says, Homer's a fat keyunt and Marge has blue hair.
On you , we bestow the: Http://www.instantrimshot.com that and 5 bucks gets you a Latte, but that was funny.
A man is driving down a road in Montana, when he spots Ted Turner standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Ted is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to Ted and asks him, "Ah excuse me Ted, but what are you doing?" Ted replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize." "How?" asks the man, puzzled. "Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field."
I've heard a version where he was also spinning and mumbling something to the effect that to win a Nobel Prize one should be outstanding in their field and a true revolutionary...
A lobbyist on his way home from Congress is stuck in traffic. Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: 'What's the hold-up?' The policeman replies: 'The President is so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire. 'He says no one believes he can get us through the credit crunch. So we're taking up a collection for him.' The lobbyist asks: 'How much have you got so far?' The officer replies: 'About 40 gallons, but a lot of people are still siphoning.'
Q: What's the difference between a merchant bank and Pammy Anderson ? A: Both are institutions whose reputation is built on assets that, on closer inspection, turn out to be entirely artificial, vastly over-inflated and in danger of going through the floor at any moment. But at least Pammy is still worth something.