I put a lot of stuff on lay a way the last couple weeks. I'm going to go and cancell it all and blame it on Obama.
Just this once I will share with you guys a personal travel tip. One of the most delightful ways to spend an afternoon in Oxford or Cambridge is gliding gently down the river in one of their flat-bottomed boats, which you propel using a long pole. This is known as "cottaging." Many of the boats (called "yer-i-nals") are privately owned by the colleges, but there are some places that rent them to the public by the hour. Just tell a professor or policeman that you are interested in doing some cottaging and would like to know where the public yerinals are. The poles must be treated with vegetable oil to protect them from the water, so it's a good idea to buy a can of Mazola and have it on you when you ask directions to the yerinals. That way people will know you are an experienced cottager.
What is the difference between capitalism and socialism? In a capitalist society man exploits man, and in a socialist one, the other way around.
A woman hears from her doctor that she has only four years to live. The doctor advises her to marry a democrat and to live in Massachusetts. The woman asks, "will this cure my illness"? Answer of the doctor: "No, but those four years will seem pretty long".
If the global crisis continues, by the end of the year only two Banks will be operational, the Blood Bank and the Sperm Bank! Then these 2 banks will merge and it will be called "The Bloody Fucking Bank"
From http://www.theonion.com : WASHINGTONâAfrican-American man Barack Obama, 47, was given the least-desirable job in the entire country Tuesday when he was elected president of the United States of America. In his new high-stress, low-reward position, Obama will be charged with such tasks as completely overhauling the nation's broken-down economy, repairing the crumbling infrastructure, and generally having to please more than 300 million Americans and cater to their every whim on a daily basis. As part of his duties, the black man will have to spend four to eight years cleaning up the messes other people left behind. The job comes with such intense scrutiny and so certain a guarantee of failure that only one other person even bothered applying for it. Said scholar and activist Mark L. Denton, "It just goes to show you that, in this country, a black man still can't catch a break."