Jokes 2

What do you think is the first word our parrot learned to say?

"Ooowwww!"

Everyone sticks their finger in the cage to pet him. He then bites their finger.

He is a pitbull with feathers.

 

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a
> series of tests, the last of which had left his
> bodily systems extremely upset.
> Upon making several false alarm trips to the
> bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another
> and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with
> diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to
> remain rational.
>
> In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of
> bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out
> the hospital window.
>
> A drunk was walking
> by the hospital when the
> sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing,
> and swinging his arms violently trying to get the
> unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled
> sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
>
> As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet,
> staring down at the sheets, a hospital security
> guard, (barely containing his (laughter), and who
> had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked,
> 'What the heck is going on here?'
>
> The drunk, still staring down replied: 'I think I
> just beat the sh!t out of a ghost.'
>
>

 

LOL! Good one. So true!! And they were both Japanese, right?

 

Mom told me she was proud of me and said she regreated that I never met my father but that he was a sailor.

"Really mom, what was his name?" I asked.

"I’m not sure"

"What mom, you don’t know who you slept with?"

"Of course I do Nutmeg like every good coast guard mother, I slept with the navy’s pacific fleet"

 

Speaking of toasters.

We just received our new Hank Paulson bailout toaster.

Insert toast and out comes regular bread.

How's that working out so far? lmao.

 

Must have been before she moved to Norfolk, VA, right?

 

Don't know about toasters but those inverse ETFs, DOG, SH, DDM, QID and UWM, have given me a great winning trading year so far

 

Q: Did you hear that Mary Mapes and Dan Rather discovered that Santa Claus is real?
A: They've got the letters to prove it!

 

I fell badly if you've never been at a Home Depot at 7-9 am. Because only then, can you truly appreciate this video:

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