I heard Palin was going to use her RNC clothing allowance to pay for them to come over since she won't be needing fancy clothes come January as she'll be back to camo.
What's the dirtiest thing ever said on TV? "Ward, weren't you a little rough on the beaver last night?"
Rearranging letters of phrases. This is kinda neat: http://wordsmith.org/anagram/topical.html "We can solve this crisis and we will." -- George Bush = "Well, I've screwed our big, cashless nation. Sigh." -- W.
Did you hear Vaseline is coming out with new labels. They're going to have a picture of missing gerbils on it.
One Saturday night in fairytale land, Cinderella wants to go out clubbing. Her Fairy Godmother pulls her aside and gives her a magical IUD. "But," says her godmother, "be very careful. It turns into a pumpkin at midnight". Cinderella's eyes widen and she promises to be home by 11pm. 11:15 rolls around and Fairy Godmother starts pacing. 11:30 and no Cinderella. 11:59pm comes and Fairy Godmother is beside herself with worry. 1 am, 2am and Fairy Godmother falls asleep on the couch. At last, at 3am Cinderella creeps in. Fairy Godmother leaps up. "I've been so worried! I don't understand. How come you are all right?" Cinderella replies in a slightly tipsy voice, "I'm fine. I hooked up with some guy. Peter, Peter something."
A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant. The Man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass. "No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them's honking the horn."
Not Funny Per Se, But Really Worth Watching http://www.break.com/usercontent/20...ll-Creighton-University-Omaha-Neb-457715.html
"I always tell people I'm from Chicago," "where men are men and police take Visa." ⢠⢠"The other day the City of Chicago stuck a sign in my parkway that says 'Watch Out for Schoolchildren,' "No kidding. Those little bastards carry guns." "My father was a Chicago cabdriver for 50 years," "I could never ask him for directions because he only knew the longest way to get there." ⢠⢠"Chicago is the only place where a Palestinian can easily be mistaken for a Puerto Rican, and where the mayor can declare unequivocal support for a 'Pakistinian State' and still have everyone immediately understand what he really means," ⢠⢠"Chicago's Greektown is one of the best," "I'm actually Greek and German. So I eat a gyro on my way to anger management." ⢠⢠"I read that the city has 25 mounted police officers and 29 horses," "That means right now there are four horses running around Chicago arresting people all by themselves." "Things You Never Want To Do In Chicago," "Drive behind Wisconsin plates," "Shop for tools at the Sears Tower."