What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes? Nothing! You told her twice already! Equal opportunity bigotry: Why did the Jews spend 40 years wandering in the desert? One of them dropped a quarter.
One day George Bush's body parts get into a little argument. The right hand smacks the left hand and says, I'm the boss. The left smacks it back and says I don't think so. The brain kicks in and says stop it. I am the main part. Get real you two. The legs say shut it up there. Without me you ain't going no where. The **** hole says, hey what about me guys, I play a part too you know - so as not to be left out. At this reaction all the other parts of Bush laugh out literally, what the butt hole. Ha ha ha ha. Ho how funny is that... This hillarious laughter goes on for sometime until Bush gives a big stinky fart. The smell shuts them up and it all goes quiet. However, the **** hole having huffed and puffed in anger is still very offended and decides to stop working in protest. The next day Bush is unable to move his bowels. Rest of body parts do their work. The second day Bush is still unable to move his bowels. Rest of body parts continue to function but notice the **** hole is not doing it's work. Rumours circulate between the legs, arms, internal organs, the brain and the ears. Something is not quite right. Third day Bush spends most of his time in the john and still unable to move his bowels. Rest of his body parts begin to stop functioning or rather disfunctioning. Hands start shaking and so do his knees. Appetite goes off despite eating to help flush the passage ways. Brain can't think straight he keeps going round in circles and wonders into the bathroom for no reason. In the end the body parts get together and have a huddle. The brain says look we have upset the ********. The head nods yes yes yes The hands clap in agreement The feet stamp to say aye So they decide. The brain apologises to the **** hole and Bush is able to relieve him self. The moral of the story tells us who exactly rules the White House And the USA And the freeworld Pass the pills Maud
I wouldn't like you to think that I was having a little fun at President whats-his-name's expense but Reports from the White House today state that George Dubiyah is to have a colonoscopy ( that's a look up his back passage ) this weekend. Goodness knows what they might find up there ? His brain perhaps ??? Santa Claus ( the old boy with the white whiskers ) Flight 19 ( mysteriously disappeared in the Bermuda triangle) DB Cooper ( jumped out of a hi-jacked plane with umpteen thousands of dollars ) any suggestions ?? LOL
Instant Payoff A man was sent to prison. He was so bored while in there he found an ant and decided to teach it tricks - like beg, play dead, roll over, jump hair etc. He served his time and was released. He took his ant with him in a matchbox. The first place he went was to a bar. He sat down, took out the matchbox and emptied out the ant. He then said to the guy beside him, "you are not gonna believe what this ant can do". He showed him all the tricks and the guy was impressed. He told him that he could make a fortune with the ant. The guy with the ant was excited and called the bartender over and said "you see that ant?" The bartender put his finger on the ant, pressed hard, twisted it and said "sorry sir, it won't happen again!"
A guy in a bar stood up and shouted, "Lawyers are assholes!" A guy at the other end of the bar shouted back "I resent that." The first guy asked "Are you a lawyer?" The second guy responded "No, I'm an asshole."
A man was sent to prison. He was so bored while in there he found an ant and decided to teach it a trend following system........................................................ He served his time and was released. He took his ant with him to Elite Trader in a matchbox. The first place he went was to a forum. He sat down, took out the laptop and called himself MischaelSpott. He then said "you are not gonna believe what this ant can do". He posted all the tricks and the everyone was impressed. He told them that he could make a fortune with the ant. ET was impressed with the guy with the ant and excited and called I-tay-Timmy-may, the bartender, over and said "which color book cover should I use?" I-tay Timmy-may the bartender put his finger on the ant, pressed hard, twisted it and said "sorry sir, I'm not a shameless pumper".
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.' The teacher said,'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating.' Sally raised her hand. She said 'My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.' The teacher replied 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate.' Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.. She finally decided that there was no way he could damage the word fascinate, so she called on him. Little Johnny said 'My Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight. The teacher sat down and cried.
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast till the chores are done. Well, he's a little pi**ed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast, and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother and with a smile says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I? .........I know you're smiling!!!!
How many members of the White House staff does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know either, they won't release the information!
An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a full day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds!!" When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS! "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The Irishman nodded... "I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?" "*No*, from all dat freakin' skippin", the Irishman said.