Yannis that lumber yard joke played out every single day when I worked at the lumber yard. Only it was the guys wife talking on the phone. sheesh, She would be on the phone, yelling to her husband in the background. I used to make up more questions just when they thought they were getting to the end. I'd then ask, "Do you want spruce pine or fir?" "You want pressure treated or kiln dried? I used to interupt them and put them on hold and tell them I needed to check and see if we had them in stock. I'd keep them on the phone forever especially if I was needed somewhere else that required actual work.
I hear you, brother. Me too, I've been at a lumber yard - once. Yeah, they were selling wood and stuff. Didn't stay long...
More Pearls of Zen Wisdom 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. 3. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. 6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away. And, you have their shoes. 9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you. 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment. 12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield. 14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 16. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. 18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 21. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 22. Light a small fire and you'll keep someone warm for a few minutes. Set a man on fire and you'll keep him really hot for the rest of his life. 23. Never, never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
At The Very Expensive Restaurant Snooty Waiter: And how did you find your steak, sir? Customer: Well, I just pushed aside a pea, and there it was!
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on HBOS in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 hours: Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal...
And in Europe, Fortis bank employees hunkered in, Hypo lending employees were running around like a chicken with their heads cut off, and Royal Bank of Scotland employees acted as though they should be able to keep their jobs by divine right.
Everyone concentrates on the problems we are having in this country lately: illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida... Not me, I concentrate on solutions for the problems. It is a win-win situation. + Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border. + Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levies. + Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.
Tired Dog Tale An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me and I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep. An hour later he went to the door and I let him out. The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.' The next day he arrived for his nap with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow? Just for an hour? Please?'