Jokes 2

Paulson and Bernanke, the two bald guys, put their heads together and made and ass out of themselves.

 

My jokes are so old.

How old are they?

I've been telling knock knock jokes before doors were invented.

 

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

' Mommy ,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.
'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

' My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the littl e girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'


'Because you got an F in sex.'

 

(probably a hint to Hillary?) lol

http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/09/23/bill-clinton-palins-obviously-love-each-other/

 

“It looks to me like they’ve got a pretty good relationship,”

Translation: (I probably can't get in her pants)

 

even more likely....

 

Bill Clinton and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. Bill is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer.

His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

Bill then replies, "Yeah, well we were married 30 years."

 

Hillary Clinton rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight ..."

 

Hillary went to her doctor for a face lift.

"Mrs. Clinton, you've had so many face lifts, I mean look in these mirrors. I've pulled and tucked so much skin, the back of your head looks like the coat of a Shiz Tzu.'

"Oh. I see. I guess that explains the goatee."

 

There's a story circulating that Mrs. Obamma was looking for a dog and so she goes to one of the finer kennels and ask for a democrat dog.

The kennel owner trys to ignore her question and show her what she has but Mrs. Obamma soon spies a cute bunch of newborn pups with their eyes still closed and she takes a liking to them right away.

Mrs. Obamma picks out her favorite and falls back into that original question - is this a democrat dog, cause i can't have no republican dog.

The kennel owner assures her the puppy comes from a long line of democrat dogs and is sure to be one too --- at which Mrs. Obamma agrees to take him home.

Barely a week goes by and Mrs. Obamma storms back into the store demanding a refund. She said you sold me this puppy for a democrat dog and it's a blamed republican.

To which the kennel owner says ...
He was a democrat dog until his eyes were opened.