No, I'm from New Jersey. We are very serious people here. It's because of the illegal chemicals in the ground.
I seen Elvis at my mo-in-laws trailer park. I think Hoffa is buried in Elvis casket. I'm the first one to think of this.
A fleeing al Qaeda guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through the desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, "Do you have water?". The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5." The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew! Israel should not exist! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first." "OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water you need. Shalom." Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, near collapse. "Your brother won't let me in without a tie."
Polish Sausage A man walks up to a clerk and asks, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something." If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Would you?" "Well, no!" "If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?" "Well, I probably wouldn't!" With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?" "Because you're at Home Depot!"
A man walks up to a clerk and asks, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk looks at him and says, "Would you like some Polish sausage in the can?" I crack myself up.
As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors. He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works. He ate, drank and slept tractors. On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive a brand new tractor. His excitement was incredible as he told his family and friends. The great day came and he went to the factory for the test-drive. Unfortunately something went terribly wrong with the tractor when Joe was driving it and it flipped over, trapping and breaking Joe's leg and fracturing his skull. He was so upset and tried to sue the tractor company for negligence. But the company would have none of it and told him there was no liability and he could get lost! You can imagine he was put off of tractors after this and vowed to shed them from his life completely and forever. All the posters came down, the toys were given away - tractors were GONE. Many years later, Joe went into a bar for a drink. Inside, the cigarette and cigar smoke was terrible but through it he saw a beautiful girl seated at the bar on her own. Tears were streaming down her face. Joe asked her what was wrong and she said that the smoke was making her eyes sting and stream with tears. With that, Joe looked around and then took a huge breath, sucking in all the smoke. He then walked outside into the car park and blew all the smoke out again. He goes back into the bar where the air is now clear and sweet and sits down next to the girl. "That was amazing!" she said, "How did you do that?" "No problem", said Joe, "I'm an ex-tractor fan"
(I'm sorry, I rarely post anything here, but read daily).... I'm not normally a fan of "ethnic humor" - but the Polish Sausage and Home Depot was really funny, ROFL. Don