Apparently the popular TV show from Britain - Dragon's Den ( entrepreneurs are invited to apply for finance for their projects ) has opened a USA version. This has uncovered a freakish US fascination with the toilet ! So many of the new inventions are from people inventing ass wipers etc. etc. unbelievable !!
A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat, she says: 'Well, that's great....that's just great.... Some asshole's got my pen!
The Good Worker The factory foreman inspected the shipment of crystal vases leaving the plant, and approached his new packer. He put his arm around the manâs shoulder and said, âWell, Ole, I see you did what I asked. Stamped the top of each box, âThis Side Up, Handle With Care.ââ âYes sir,â the worker replied. âAnd just to make sure, I stamped it on the bottom too.â
15 things we wouldnât know if it wasnât for the movies 1. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. 2. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. 3. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do. 4. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. 5. If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphanous underwear, which is just what they happened to be carrying with them at the time the car broke down. 6. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long. 7. If someone says, "I'll be right back", they won't. 8. Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but always say: Enter Password Now. 9. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. And none of your friends have to knock when they come for a visit. 10. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. 11. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. 12. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. 13. If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone around you will automatically be able to mirror all the steps you come up with and hear the music in your head. 14. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. And last but not least: 15. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
To mark this historical day...... So Fuld meets Paulson in a restaurant with cup in hand. Paulson screams.......... NO LEHMAN...AID FOR YOUUUU !!!!!!!!
Not Elmer. Humptey Dumptey. those guys at Merrill better line up to kiss Thain's ass. They for the most part have jobs and their deferred comp. Hey! What's Elton John doing in that line???!!!????
I not completely sure but imo, it was like a line of grunts and the sargent asks for a volunteer and everyone takes one step back except for Fudd, who didn't hear the question. I believe he was a good trader but had a poor skill sets in other depts, such as conversation, people, management.
A little girl asked her mother: 'How did the human race appear?' The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made.' Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.' The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?' The mother answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'