Elections 2008, Again John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), alled 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells. John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover. To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pullet-Surprise as well. Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention. Vote carefully this year. The bells are not always audible...
A workman is doing work inside a church. He sees a little old Italian lady get down in front of a statue of Mary and start to pray. The workman decides to have a little fun. He gets behind the statue of Jesus and loudly says, "Woman, get off your knees. Don't pray to her, pray to me!" The little old Italian lady looks up at the statue of Jesus and says, "Shutup your mouth, I'm talking to your mother!"
College Student Aptitude This particular college's student body is composed of the sons and daughters of the very rich who could not meet the academic requirements of any other college. Lo and behold, the college basketball team wins every game and dominates their league. All this success is due to one amazing player - a good-looking, tall and fast African American kid who looks like a triple cross between Larry Bird, Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan. This kid is terrific. The player and the team become the center of nationwide media attention. The student body is thrilled. Now, the NCAA goes to the college and asks for proof of this player's academic eligibility. The college administration promises such documentation in a few days. The faculty works night and day coaching the student for the crucial test. The day of the public examinatin arrives, and the entire student body is there to support their star player. A professor stands, and announces the first question, "How much is five and two?" The student frowns in deep concentration - he thinks, he sweats, he shakes with effort. At last he shouts the answer, "SEVEN". At which point the entire student body rises, and as a single voice, they cry: "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!!!"
Educating The Young For the tenth time, Lady Muffy asked her husband, Lord Richard, to explain the facts of life, tell the "birds and bees" story to their teenage son. Lord Richard finally agreed and called the young lad in his study. "Son", he started, with his characteristic upper class, Oxford English accent, "do you remember last month you and I went to Paris for a couple of days?" "Yes father, I remember well." "Do you remember the two women we called to join us in our suite for the night? In particular, son, do you remember what we did with them, all night long, in our rooms?" "Yes, father, I remember very well!" "Well, son, your mother asked me to make sure you understand that the birds and the bees do, essentially, the same thing!"