Monty Python And The Holy Grail - Excerpt King Arthur: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight. [the Black Knight doesn't respond] King Arthur: I am Arthur, King of the Britons. [No response] King Arthur: I seek the bravest and the finest knights in the land who will join me in my court at Camelot. [No response] King Arthur: You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me? [No response] King Arthur: You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy! [Attempts to get around the Black Knight] Black Knight: None shall pass. King Arthur: What? Black Knight: None shall pass! King Arthur: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight. But I must cross this bridge. Black Knight: Then you shall die. King Arthur: I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside! Black Knight: I move for no man. King Arthur: So be it! [They fight until Arthur cuts off Black Knight's left arm; blood starts pouring from the Black Knight's shoulder] King Arthur: Now, stand aside, worthy adversary! Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch! King Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off! Black Knight: No, it isn't! King Arthur: Well, what's that then? King Arthur: I've had worse. King Arthur: You liar! Black Knight: Come on, you pansy! [They fight again. Arthur cuts off the Knight's right arm; blood is now pouring from both shoulders ] King Arthur: Victory is mine! [Kneels to pray] King Arthur: We thank thee, Lord, that in thy mercy - [Cut off by the Knight kicking him] Black Knight: Come on, then. King Arthur: What? Black Knight: Have at you! King Arthur: You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine! Black Knight: Oh, had enough, eh? King Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left! Black Knight: Nothing at all... [covered with blood from head to toe, can barely stand...] Just a flesh wound!!! ...
I don't think fish are a pet, anyway. <img src=http://elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=2019794/>
Three Dreams Of A Man: 1. To be as handsome as his mother thinks. 2. To be as rich as his child believes. 3. To have as many women as his wife suspects.
Looking at the picture I didn't know you could use brown walls and curtains with plum colored furniture, it looks nice. I am going to try that.
Yes, this assertive color scheme makes the dazzling palor of his bluejeans come alive, don't you think?
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot." "Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird." "Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers." "Wow," says the guy. " You really can understand and speak English can't you?" "Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion." The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that" "Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!" The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man." "What are you talking about?" asks the guy. "When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie." "WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "Then what happened?" "Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot. "NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?" "Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over ...." Then the frantic guy demands, "then what happened?" "Damned if I know. I got a friggin' hard-on and fell off my perch."
My wife has a parrot. They regurgitate when they feel love and want to mate. I hate the fucker but he always pukes when I talk to him. I've been trying to teach him to say 'Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem' Which translates from latin "In the good old days, chickens like you were left to perish on windswept crags". Whatever the fuck a crag is, I don't know and don't care.