Jokes 2

Throw their asses out of that house I am paying for, cut off the cash and foodstamps, and see how fast their freeloading ass gets to work. Plus they're morbidly obeese which means the free medical we give them is costing us mucho more.

 

They ate it all. There probably isn't a piece of beef for a hundred miles.

Is NPR that fucked up to write this story, and put this picture up? If this were any onther country, they'd weigh 80 pounds, and have flies swirling over their heads.

 

“A lot of people have told me, ‘Why don’t your daughter have a kid?’”
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Roll her in some flour and look for the wet spot. She's hot!

 

Come on. Say somethin' nice!!!!


You don't sweat much for a fat broad!!!!

 

I think they would laugh at our jokes.

 

And time now for our Sunday joke.

Our preacher announced today: "I have good news and bad news.

The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program.

The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."


Can we get an "Amen"?

 

Suburb of New York City. Someone rang my doorbell around 1:15am tonight. "It's an Emergency, I'm a day trader, I work for a major securities firm nearby, need $15 margin money to buy Euro....It's An Emergency. God Bless.."

 

There was this homeless guy on 5th ave, he had a little mangy dog, had a blanket set up and a cup. My daughter wanted to stop and visit with the dog.

This well dressed woman walked up to the homeless guy and said "I guess I'll be seeing alot more of you, I just got fired."

 

Five Surgeons

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York , says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second, from Chicago , responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order'

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.

 

Congress to Halt Closing of Unprofitable Starbucks

Democrats in Congress today plan to introduce a bill to halt the recently-announced closing of some 600 Starbucks coffee stores, noting that the displacement of 12,000 Starbucks baristas would overwhelm government aid offices not prepared to handle so many clients for whom English is a second language....

“These people can’t just walk out of Starbucks and get a job at a grocery store or a factory,” said House Majority Leader Nancy Nutmeg, D-CA. “They would need ESL classes and cultural training to learn how to relate to ordinary Americans and function in society.”...

“This is just another one of our heroic Democrat efforts to protect Americans from the impact of the Bush economic policies,” said everyone's "Mom". “Under this president, America has become a cold and desolate place where corporations cut unprofitable activities to focus on increasing the bottom line, and returning value to shareholders. When Democrats retake the White House next year, we will reverse that trend.”