Did you hear the one about the wino who complained to the railway company that they had destroyed all his luggage ? The train went over a bump and the cork fell out of his bottle
A ventriloqist performing in a working man's club was reeling off the Irish jokes. A huge navvy stood up and said "one more f**king Irish joke and I'll break your f**king neck you twat!" The ventriloqist explained that he had not intended to offend anyone. The navvy said "you keep the f**k out of it, I'm talking to that little b*stard on your knee!"
When Princess Diana died they released CANDLE IN THE WIND When Ghandi died they released SANDALS IN THE BIN
A woman walking past a shop sees an advertisement in the window. "Good home wanted for clitoris licking frog." She goes inside and says to the guy behind the counter, "I'm inquiring about the clitoris licking frog." "Oui madame," the assistant says. ------------- Took me a while to get this one.
There were three prostitutes living together, a mother, daughter and grandmother. One night the daughter came home looking very down. "How did you get on tonight Dear?" asked her mother. "Not too good," replied the daughter. "I only got $20 for a blow job." "Wow!" said the mother, "In my day we gave a blow job for 50 cents!" "Good God!" said the Grandmother. "In my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!"
A guy is screwing a girl. The girl asks, "You haven't got aids have you?" He replies, "No." She responds, "Oh, thank fuck for that!! I don't want to get that again...!"