Jokes 2

Thoughts from across the pond (sure makes it simple):


“An email from Ireland to their brethren in the States...a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:

We, in Ireland, can't figure out why people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States.

On one side, you have a pants wearing lawyer, married to a lawyer who can't keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer who goes to the wrong church who is married to yet another lawyer who doesn't even like the country her husband wants to run.

Now...On the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate 'Mc' terminology, married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship.

What in the Lords name are you lads thinking over there in the colonies??”

 

All right mother sticker, this is a fuck up,

put your brains in the bag, or I'll blow the money all over the floor.

 

LOL!!!!!

 

It seems that much of the world is run by shysters err I mean lawyers, even Russia ! We just got rid of our lawyer husband and lawyer wife team and good riddance.
US beware - you can't believe a word they say - allegedly.
They lost the differences between truth and lies decades ago ????

 

Just think, if you were an egg, the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother.

 

Old But Very Timely Story: The Haircut

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill and the barber replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning, there is a thank you" card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning, when the barber goes to open up, there is a "thank you" card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The professor is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a "thank you" card and a dozen different books, such as "How to Improve Your Business" and "Becoming More Successful."

Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning, when the barber goes to open up, there are two dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and most members of our Congress. Vote carefully this year.

 

Early Morning Joke

Two eggs, a sausage, and a pancake walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."

 

Was that a link sausage or a pattie?

 

Link, of course, to get something linear in the middle of small and large circles

 

There once was a man who owned a LINK {:>)sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant, preppy son around his factory. Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer. They approached the heart of the factory where the father thought, “Surely, THIS should impress him!”

He showed his son the machine and said, “Son, this is the heart of the factory. Using this machine, we can put in a pig, and out comes sausages.”

The prudish, ungrateful, unimpressed son, said, “Yes, but do you have a machine where you can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?”

The father, furious by now, thought for a second and finally said, “Yes, Son, we call it your mother!”