A husband, a wife, and a pig go into a bar. The bartender says. "I can see a joke coming". http://www.instantrimshot.com/ ------------------------- Why did the pig cross the road? That was no pig, that was my wife. http://www.instantrimshot.com/ Remember her from the sopranos? What a crack up.
I am not sure if you guys crack me up because you are funny or because you are crackheads.... probably you are just funny crackheads...
We are advanced in age. We are 'asscracks'. You know. Those guys when they squat, you see that chunk of hairy ass crack? Nutmeg is so old, he shops at Very Old Navy. http://www.instantrimshot.com/ When Nut was born, the Dead Sea was just a little sick. http://www.instantrimshot.com/ He can't get a woman his own age. They're all dead. http://www.instantrimshot.com/ The other day, I was visiting him at the Shady Rest Retirement Home and Crematorium. One of the attendants told me of the previous days events. Seems there was this lass of 85 who still has a bit of the Estrogen a flowin'. She told Nut that she could guess his age, but she needed to see his manhood. Nut was intrigued by such an offer, and dropped his drawers. She proceeded to fondle his balls for quite a while, then said, "You're 93." Nut was amazed. "You're right!! How did you know?" "You told me yesterday." http://www.instantrimshot.com/
How can you spot the crack head at Wall Mart? He is the one with his cart flipped upside down fixing the wheels! ---------------------- "Buddy can you spare a dime?" "Sorry, I'm all outta herb".
Things that make you say... OMG!!! Just shake your head, Laugh and Forward! Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class. She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, "Does anyone know what this is?" Little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!" The teacher says, "Are you sure about that?" Little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to brush Mom's teeth."
Interesting Human Body Facts - The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm. - A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball. - It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. - The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples. - The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb. -A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. - If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died. - Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair. - There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. - Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch. - Women blink twice as much as men. - The average person's skin weighs twice as much as their brain. - When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate...they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate! - Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you aren't. - Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still. - If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it. - The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man. *** Admit it guys, YOU looked at your thumb..... Didn't you? ***
How's that bike riding going, fly? My sister just got arrested for riding a bike. Cops gave her a ticket for pedaling her ass all over town.