Jokes 2

Two clowns were waiting at the bus stop along with a nun with her leg in a cast.

I said, “Sister, how did you break you leg?”

The nun replied, “I slipped in the bathtub.”

Mom asked me, “What’s a bathtub?”

I replied, “How should I know, I’m not Catholic!”

 

I have, bouncing around my cranium, cartoons that I saw thirty years ago. Of course, w/o the internet, no real way to save them. but they were brilliant. So, when I see one now, I save them. I do miss Gary Larsen.

<img src=http://elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=1961755/>

If anyone can find this one, similar to the clown bit, there are six or seven buzzards feasting on a corpse, and one of the buzzards is wearing a 1940's style John Wayne Stetson. The caption:

"Howdy, Howdy, Howdy. Look at me!!! I'm a Cowboy."

 

Another Funny Oldie

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached
a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax --- OH, MY GOD!!!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

To which a passenger responded loudly, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

 

Hear about the polish pilot who didn't take a bath before his flight, but he did wash up on shore.

 

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street together, and they both want a drink, but they have no money on them. The priest says, "I've got an idea how to get us some free drinks." He walks in alone and the rabbi stands at the door and watches.

The priest orders a drink, drinks it, and then the bartender gives him his tab. The priest says, "But my son, I've already paid for the drink." The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry, father, but it's really busy in here and I must have forgotten." The rabbi walks in and orders a drink. After he drinks it, the bartender gives him the tab, and the rabbi says, "Son, I paid you when I ordered the drink." The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry, rabbi, I don't know what's wrong with me, but that's the second time that happened to me today."

The rabbi says, "That's okay, son, no offence taken. Now, just give me change for the twenty I gave you, and I'll be on my way."

 

The Most Pathetic Pickup Line

Excuse me, I'm lost, may I go home with you?

 

Overheard at the cannibal convention.

"How are you doing?"

" I'm having a ball"

"Slow down, you eat too fast"

 

I just did something I haven't done since I was 15. No, I didn't have sex with my English Teacher.

I went to the store on my bicycle. There were several other folks there that rode theirs, too. I was the only one, though, with all my teeth, and who owned a car.

And when I did have sex with my English teacher, I do remember being so sore, I couldn't ride my bicycle.

 

Last time I rode a bike I almost knocked down an old lady. She was a bit shaken up and said, 'Don't you know how to ride a bike?'

'Yea,' 'but I don't know how to ring the bell yet'