I'm gettin' me a pair of these. I'll see you in the dairy section. <img src=http://elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=1949139/>
Pre Olympic Competition Update: New Worlds' Record in High Jump starting from a kneeling position: <img src=http://elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=1949911/>
From the files of Dr Stunata: I was treating a patient who let me know in no uncertain terms how degreed she was. Ona and ona about this major and that major. Intelligent women is was quite the turn on for me and before ya know it I was banging her. Yea yea yeah , I know it "unethical" but while this is happening she screams at me "Fuck my educated pussy!!" "Um, what?" "Fuck my educated pussy!" Yep. Wow. Now I'm wondering what if she really DID have an "educated pussy?" Would sex with an educated pussy be much different than sex with your typical uneducated pussy? Ya know, I bet educated pussy is a lot different than a regular vagina. Like when a regular vagina queefs it sounds like, "Bpfoooot!" But when an educated pussy queefs it sounds like... the Opera. She's got that Pavarotti Pussy! Guys use many different adjectives to describe a woman's hoo-ha. Tight. Clean. Delicious. But NEVER have I heard a guy use the word "educated." DUDE: So how was the sex? OTHER DUDE: It was okay. I dunno. I just wish her pussy was... smarter. It's like, her lips were moving but she wasn't saying anything! I wonder if Educated Pussy was like, the Nerdy Girl in high school who couldn't get a date. Town slut: Educated Pussy might be smart, but she don't know Dick! EDUCATED PUSSY: <Boo-hoo! Sniffle!> Aw! Look, PUSSY is weeping! Her glasses are getting all fogged up! So Educated Pussy, have you ever considered wearing your hair a little shorter? You kinda have a 70's hair style.
A man goes to a public golf course. He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie." The man behind the counter says, "The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this: We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today." The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer. He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, "I think my driver will do the job." The robot caddie turned to the man and said , "No sir. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole." Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green. The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance. As the golfer pulled out his putter he said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right." The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left" Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole and thanks to the robot for his advice. But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie. Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, "How was your game ?" The golfer stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next week. A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop. Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said, "I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please." The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, "Well the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints." Confused, the golfer cried, "COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck could've complained about those robots? They were incredible" The man sighed and said, "Well, it wasn't their performance. It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fairway. " The golfer said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?" The man nodded sadly and replied, "We did. Then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, one of them robbed the pro shop, and the other is running for President."
Self-Assessment Sitting at the bar, sad Rob O'Malley told the bartender that the reason he was drinking that particular day was to forget the heartbreak of his broken engagement. âYeah,â said Rob, âwould you marry a drunken lazy bum, someone who didnât know the meaning of the word faithful, and who was flip and even vicious when the subject of fidelity came up?â âNo way in hellâ said the bartender. âWell, said Rob, âapparently, neither would my fiancée.â
This one's from the "DUH" file: JSDA Jones Soda names Stephen Jones CEO (2.80 -0.05) The water cooler talk will be like, "How did he get the job. I 've been here longer."
Trying to find something funny in the absurdity of it all ... All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are... Think a gallon of gas is expensive? This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective to other things we buy. Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ..........$9.52 per gallon Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ..... $10.17 per gallon Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ......... $10.00 per gallon Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ...... $33.60 per gallon Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .. $123.20 per gallon Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ....... . $25.42 per gallon Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .....$84.48 per gallon And this is the REAL KICKER... Evian water 9 oz $1.49..$21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source Ever wonder why printers are so cheap? So they have you hooked for the ink. Someone calculated the cost of the ink at..... (you won't believe it....but it is true........) $5,200 a gal. (five thousand two hundred dollars) So, the next time you're at the pump,be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!