There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was so mad that she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "It's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
How come ET doesn't have a lost and found department? ( I may have to request one, we could post various things we have LOST (i.e. mind) and found (i.e. Holy Grail). Was reading through Craiglist and this post gave me the idea. "the cap fell off my bic pen saturday night in midtown, i think somewhere between w44th and w49th on 8th ave, if you found it i could use it back, i dont want the pen to mark stuff in my bag because its capless. thanks." Ha, he'd need a teensy weensy bit more of Identification of missing cap (like color or special engravings) before I'd give it uup an also, there would have to be a reward or it's just No Deal, no way, pen caps like this gets mucho bids on on ebay.
Election Season We all tend to become apprehensive during elections; there are so many accusations, warnings, caveats, threats, insults... a great amount of uncertainty in the air. And they all say that it's up to us, individually, to decide correctly and save the nation (yeah, right!) Which reminds me of this old kid joke: On your left are 3 speeding ostriches. On your right is a herd of gazelles being chased by a lion. In front of you are 4 deer running for their life. Behind you are 5 stampeding horses jumping like crazy. What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get off the Merry-Go-Round!
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation? ------------ I think Merry Go Rounds have been litigated out of the play ground just for these reason, (night terrors, vertigo, ptsd, weight limits exceeded = 2 fat people on th MGR bearings break, playground perverts doing god knows what to the unicorn horns, no cup holders on animals disallowed -PETA protest). In NYC they refurbished 130 (can't recall the exact amount, it was over 100 anyways) playgrounds, guess what? No swings.
My wife just sent this to me. Maybe she's trying to tell me something. INSTALLING A HUSBAND Dear Tech support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Dear Desperate, First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7. Good Luck, Tech Support
Mickey Mouse is at his therapist's office, discussing his relationship with Minny Mouse... Therapist: Mickey, you can't divorce your wife, just because she is crazy. Mickey Mouse: I didn't say she was crazy. I said she was f*cking Goofy.
I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell... except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.