Jokes 2

"I was engaged to a girl I really didn't care about"

"Then, you didn't marry her."

"I didn't find out till I married her".

 

The scene: a tropical island, no breeze to ruffle the palm trees. The blue sky is cloudless. Nothing stirs. All is quiet. Two hippos bask in a lagoon. One hippo murmurs to the other: "I don't know why, but I keep thinking today´s Thursday."

 

We call our grandpa "Spiderman".

He hasn't got any super powers - but you outta see him try to get out of the bathtub.

cripple old fuck.

 

Two parrots are sitting on a perch.

One turns to the other and says "Can you smell fish?"

 

"How long will dinner be?"

"Four inches. It's a sausage".

 

First time there was ever four inches at your house, mild or spicy.

Now, my sausage is so big, it has it's own zipcode. It's never
ever been in a bun -stands on its own. If I don't really know who I'm having breakfast with, I do coat it with condoments.
. Jimmy Dean wanted to use it as a mascot - I said no. Too shy. And my sausage isn't just for breakfast.

I may not know what goes into my sausage, but I know what my sausage goes into.

 

That's what I said to my girlfriend, "Did you ever have Polish sausage in the can?"

 

NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

Post Script:

Bank of America gave him three houses and a second tranche portfolio of subprime anyway.

 

Great. Now politicians will lie about their birthdays. And how many they have every year.

 

My wife asked for diamonds for her birthday.

I bought her a deck of cards.