Jokes 2

Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were looking in opposite directions and pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines, and reeled in their catch.
A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he new the other two.
“Oh yes” he said. “They ‘re my friends... a little slow in the head but very good guys... I'm watching out for them!”
“In that case,” warned the officer, “you’d better get them out of here!”
“Yes, sir” the man replied. He turned around and began rowing furiously...

 

I can't take credit for this one, it was a prominent local in the euro back months. You need to set it up to a trader like a trade idea.

You tell them apperantly there is a some type of arbitrage of buying Vietnamese currency and selling silver.

Make up something good like thier goverment tried to back the currency against it or they are releasing supply and cutting taxes ....etc....

Then end it with your decision to get in since you always wanted to be ........ (wait for it)........











"Long Dong Silver for a day!"

lol

 

Man who smoke pot choke on handle

 

It was Mother's Day. Me and my brother had told mother to stay in bed that morning. She read her book and looked forward to breakfast. After a long wait mom finally came downstairs. Me and my brother were both eating at the table.

What happened next?

a) Crouton (that's my brothers name) said: "Hi mom, we didn't expect you to be awake so early."
b) I picked up an egg and smashed it on my brother's head.
c) Crouton said: "We have a new teacher at our school."
d) Nutmeg said: "It's a surprise for Mother's Day. We cooked our own breakfast."

 

this is the difference between me and my brother

Nutmeg will stick his hand in a hole, it'll get bit and Nutmeg will leave..........

Crouton will stick his hand in a hole, it'll get bit, and then will stick his head in the hole to see what bit him!!!!

 

That's funny, nutmeg, the market is going the wrong direction and I need this, you crack me up, do some more

 

I was working on a few at the moment but it is nice outside and I have to sweep and rake. This is not a problem except I only have one handle and I have to switch the handle back and forth between the rake and the broom. (I've since solved that problem...)

It's not really a good handle either, the good handle broke so I made one from a sapling. I couldn't find a short sapling, I had to use what was availible so as you can imagine I can reach quite a distance (probably 12 ft) with the one I picked. As I was saying though, I've since put the rake on one end and the broom on the other so I've been able to save some time switching.

 

Oldie But Goodie

Three women were about to be executed. One was a brunette, one a redhead, and the other a blonde.

The guard brought the first woman, the brunette, forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests. She said no, and the executioner shouted: "... Ready ... Aim ... !! and suddenly the brunette yelled, "EARTHQUAKE!". Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.

So they brought up the redhead and asked if she had any last requests. She said no, and the executioner shouted: "... Ready ... Aim ...!! and suddenly the redhead yelled "TORNADO!" Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.

By now, the blonde had it all figured out. They brought her forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests. She said no and the executioner shouted: "... Ready ... Aim ... !! and the blonde yelled, "FIRE!"

 

The Magical Mirror

There was once a magical mirror in a ladies room at a bar. If one stood in front of this mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie, *POOF* you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." *POOF* The mirror swallows her.

Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think, I think.. I'm the sexiest woman alive! *POOF* The mirror swallows her.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in, stands before the mirror and says, "I think..." *POOF*