A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
Letterman Top Ten April Fool's Pranks In Afghanistan 10. Short-sheeted burqas 9. A fake beard over your real beard 8. Saying you're wife #4, when you're really wife #2 7. Offering someone a can of peanut brittle and a goat jumps out 6. Painting giant bull's-eye on roof of friend's cave 5. Rocket launchers that shoot out little flag that reads "Bang" 4. Replacing secret stockpiles of weaponized Anthrax with Folger's Crystals 3. Writing "Wash me" on Osama's camel 2. Saying you support the Hamid Karzai government, but secretly supporting a warlord who has secretly begun to support the Taliban again, but then betraying the warlord, but then betraying the Karzai government and really supporting the warlord again 1. Writing "Wash me" on Osama
Letterman Top Ten April Fool's Day Pranks In The Mafia 10. Tell a guy you're going to shoot him, then kill him with a brick. 9. Tape sign to informant's back that reads: "Whack me." 8. The old "non-drying cement shoes" gag. 7. Put body in big paper bag, place it on somebody's doorstep, light it on fire, ring doorbell, run away. 6. Phone local teamsters office, say, "This is Jimmy Hoffa--any messages for me?" 5. Call up Domino's; order a pizza for Mr. Foghead A. Boutit. 4. The old severed finger in the hot dog bun trick. 3. Replace someone's "Godfather" tape with a Teletubbys video. 2. Instead of horse's head, rig it so somebody wakes up next to Linda Tripp. 1. Three words: squirting pinkie rings.
2. Instead of horse's head, rig it so somebody wakes up next to Linda Tripp. --------------------- Prince Charles wakes up next to Linda Tripp, he thought he died and went to heaven.
Anyone remember this episode where the chef they hired for their new restaurant had tourettes? Larry David thinks back to the time how he wishes he could do something to help the disabled. He tries to deflect the outburst. <object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/UsRJYPr1Dnw&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/UsRJYPr1Dnw&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>
Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate. DEAR DESPERATE, First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources) Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.