when Richard Jeni came on stage, he grabbed the mike, and ten minutes later, he gave you a break: http://www.richardjeni.com/ Same here. You hit the site, and die for ten minutes.
Double Dose of Vitamin V A man went to the doctor to get a double dose of Viagra but his request was denied. "Why can't I have a double dose?" the man asked. "It's not safe," the doctor replied. "But I need it really bad," the man explained. "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, one of my exes will be here on Saturday, and my wife is coming home on Sunday." "Okay, I'll give it to you," the doctor relented. "But you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check to see if there are any side effects." On Monday the man dragged himself into the doctor's office with his right arm in a sling. The doctor asked, "What happened to you?" The man said, "No one showed up."
â If you found a wallet with a million dollars in it, would you turn it in?â âWell," pondered the Nutmeg, "if they were poor people and needed the money, yes."
The Hearing Sense While getting a checkup, a man tells his doctor that he thinks his wife is losing her hearing. The doctor says, "You should do a simple test. Stand about 30 feet behind your wife and say 'honey?â Move 3 feet closer and do it again. Keep moving 3 feet closer until she finally responds." Remember how close you were when she gives you an answer. That will help me know how bad her hearing loss is. About a month later the same guy is at the doctor again and the doctor asks, "Well, did you do that experiment with your wife's hearing?â The man says "yes". "How close did you get before she answered?" "Well, by the time I got about 3 feet away she suddenly turned around and yelled "For the TENTH TIME... WHAT!!!???"
David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers: # 10 - Have to sit upright while driving. # 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat. # 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music. # 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time. # 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr. # 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race. # 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho. # 3 - No Cadillacs approved for competition. # 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run. AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR.............. #1 -They can't wear their helmets sideways.