from grade school. Mind you, Ike was President. What's an Irish Six Course Meal? Six Pack and a Potatoe. I knew a gay Mick. Phil McCracken. Talking about Dublin Over. Did we offend anyone here? NO? Ok. Maybe later we'll piss some folks off.
I don't charge. But Nutmeg will have sex for money. It just depends if it's payday or not. There's a joke like that come to think of it. Guy goes into a pharmacy (and don't tell me you heard this, because it's older than Don) that's run by spinster sisters. He asks the sister behind the counter if she could give him some personal help. And with that, he shows her his 10" of manhood. "Look at this", he bemoans (?). What can you give me for it? She says, 'wait right here'. She goes out back for a few and comes back. "Well, I just consulted with my sister. $3,000 and month and half the store is the best we can do."
You may be a Taliban if... 1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer. 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes. 3. You have more wives than teeth. 4. You wipe yourself with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean." 5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. 6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against. 7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing. 8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs. 9. You've ever uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave." 10. You've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat. 11. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least a couple. 12. You bathe every few months whether necessary or not.
Computer Problem Report Form 1. Describe your problem: 2. Now, describe the problem accurately: 3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: 4. Problem Severity: A. Minor__ B. Minor__ C. Minor__ D. Trivial__ 5. Nature of the problem: A. Locked Up__ B. Frozen__ C. Hung__ D. Shot__ 6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__ 7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__ 8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__ 9. Have you made it worse? Yes__ 10. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__ 11. Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes__ No__ 12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__ 13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__ 14. If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself? 15. How tall are you? Are you above this line? ___________ 16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred? 17. If "nothing" explain why you were logged in. 18. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__ 19. How does this problem make you feel? 20. Tell me about your mother and your childhood: 21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ No__ 22. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes__ Thank you for taking the time to fill out our Computer Problems Form. Please allow 1-week response time so that the problem will resolve itself or you will reboot your computer, most likely resolving the issue. If nothing works, call out 800 number and discuss your needs with one of our sales people, new computers are always better and cheaper.
Computer Problem Report Form 1. Describe your problem: Bought Penny stock DVD 2. Now, describe the problem accurately: Went long CYGT 3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: Dirty Monitor (scratched from using the wrong lense cleaner couldn't see what I was doing) 4. Problem Severity: A. Minor__ B. Minor__ C. Minor__ D. Trivial__X 5. Nature of the problem: A. Locked Up__ B. Frozen__ C. Hung__ D. Voted for Spitzer__ x 6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__ To what __X 7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__ I am __x 8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__ Rewrote Will __x 9. Have you made it worse? Yes__ x 10. Have you read the Timmays website? Yes__ x 11. Are you sure you've read the American Hedge Fund? Yes__ No__ Twice__x 12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the book? No__X 13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__ I swear on Dr, Stu Nata's life __x 14. If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself? I'm ashamed 15. How tall are you? I need to stand on a chair to see my monitor, 16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred? Searching for porn. 17. If "nothing" explain why you were logged in. Someone told me to/ 18. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__x 19. How does this problem make you feel? I'd like Spitzer to adopt me. I can't spell Emperooror and the beer doesn't help my spelling. 20. Tell me about your mother and your childhood: Mom passed and left me her tin foil hat and an unused microwave. 21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ x No__ 22. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes__