Train Of Thought A brilliant young man was applying for a job with the railways. The interviewer asked him: "Do you know how to use the equipment?" "Yes", the man replied. "Then what would you do if you realized that 2 trains, one from this station and one from the next were going to crash because they were on the same track?" The young applicant thought and replied "I'd press the button to change the points without hesitation." "What if the button was frozen and wouldn't work?" "I'd run outside and pull the lever to change the points manually" "And if the lever was broken?" "I'd get on the phone to the next station and tell them to change the points," he replied. "And if the phone was broken and needed a specially trained electrician and two hours of work to fix it?" The young man thought about that one. "I'd run into town and get my uncle Harry." "Why, is your uncle a specially trained, lightning fast electrician?" "No, but he was just telling me that he's never seen a train crash before!"
<img src=http://elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=1819133/> ........Who's On Top???? This is just Horrible. From Drudge. To stoop to sexual innuendo for internet hits..........
Subject:Class Reunion HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, "SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD." WELL.. YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE. MY NAME IS JENNIFER GRAND, AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS 40 YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL . "YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE. "WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED. HE ANSWERED, "IN 1967." WHY DO YOU ASK?' "YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!", I EXCLAIMED. HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT ASS, GRAY- HAIRED, DECREPIT SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED, "WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"
A preoccupied vegan named Hugh picked up the wrong sandwich to chew. He took a big bite before spitting, in fright, "OMG, WTF, BBQ!" And for you Musicologists, "HIT HOP" http://shizzville.com/video/hitler-rap
Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, " Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon. When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?" With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?" In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500." Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back." Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player!
I'm trying this this weekend. I'll let you know how it goes. >> A dog is truly a man's best friend. If you don't believe it, just try >> this experiment. >> >> Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. >> >> When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you!
Our Armed Forces One reason the American Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told the Army to "secure a building," they would occupy it so no one could enter. The Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, would scout the area remotely and bomb all surrounding buildings and parking lots to smithereens. The Navy on the other hand, would turn off the lights and lock the doors, and the Coast Guard would even take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.