Jokes 2

Obama declared, "Today I feel...like the luckiest man...on the face of the Earth..."

This caused many people to vote for Hillary, but only because they thought Obama was Irish.

 

Hear about the marijuana dealer that caught with marijuana cigarettes in his underwear?

It was pot but smelled like crack.

 

do you do kid's parties?

 

I can't be a clown at kids parties because;

I was not allowed to make balloon animals because my mom thought I might choke on the balloons.

I was not allowed to play with the juggling pins because one time me and my brother had broken a window playing with them.

No one would let me spin the plate because I liked to pretend the stick was a sword and I poked people with it.

The baseball bat was too heavy for me, and when I tried to do flips, I fell on my head

 

Sheesh, I just got that joke <<<< O'bama. get it? Irish, lucky.

 

Honestly Nutmeg, you tell jokes you don't even understand? (sigh) other people were laughing. So I posted it.

 

<img src=http://elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=1810415/>

Yep. That'll make it all better.

 

Mom told me when I was born I weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about me was my body weighed five pounds and my balls weighed five pounds.

All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with me.
Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.''

So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution."

''Why?' asked the head nurse.

"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."

 

***********************


All women should live so long as to be this kind
of old lady!

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister
asked, 'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?'

80% held up
their hands.

The Minister then repeated his
question.

All responded this time, except one small elderly
lady.

'Mrs. Neely?'; 'Are you not willing to forgive your
enemies?'

I don't have any.' She replied, smiling
sweetly.

'Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are
you?'

'Ninety-eight.' she replied.

'Oh, Mrs. Neely,
would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live
ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?'

The
little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle,
faced the
congregation, and said:



'I outlived the
bitches.'