Do you know what happened this week back in 1850, in California? California became a state. The State had no electricity. The State had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. So basically, it was just like California today except the women had real breasts and men didn't hold hands.
Great minds............. I saw this as a card in a Barnes and Noble about five years ago Iguess. I start laughing, snot coming out of my nose, trying to contain myself. That's usually when my wife shows up to grab me by the earlobe and escort me from the store. Check this one out. It's a SA drink add, I believe a low cal concoction. BTW, never could get myself to part with the card. Don't really like anybody that much............ <img src=http://elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=1803510/>
If they gave her a colonoscopy, they probably could find that TV remote she's been missin' for a few years. Anything could be up there. I think that's Kirstie Alley, btw. She plumped up again, lost the Jenny Craig deal, and signed with these guys..........
BRAVO... not only one of the first posts here in a long time to make me laugh out loud, but it is like the author knew me personally when I use to work in an office.... I would add one more item to the Survival Guide: FOXHOLE CROUCH: this is when you finished pooping and there are other people in the stalls nearby and you are waiting for them to finish beofre wiping and being embarassed by the sound of you pulling 40 feet of toilet paper per wipe. You will sit there in your foxhole and wait them out as long as it takes so you can wipe in peace. Sometimes it becomes a test of wills and the first to flinch loses.
From the files of Dr Stu Nata: "So Nutmeg, what experiences have helped to define you as a person" I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass banjo, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends,to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. Stay tuned, for another episode of "I'm sorry I asked" by Dr Stu Nata.