A 6-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we started cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass'." The 4-year-old agrees with enthusiasm. When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can just stay there until I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks ominously at the 4-year-old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
Gary and Mary go on their honeymoon, and Gary spends six hours and three minutes of the honeymoon night eating Mary's pussy. The next afternoon, they go to an Italian restaurant. Suddenly, Gary starts to freak out. He screams, "Waiter! Waiter! Come over here!" The waiter says, "Can I help you, sir?" Gary yells, "There's a hair in my spaghetti! Get it the fuck out of here!" The waiter apologizes up and down as he quickly takes the spaghetti away. Mary looks over at Gary, and shaking her head, she whispers, "What a hypocrite you are. You spent most of last night with your face full of hair." Gary says, "Yeah? Well, how long do you think I'd have stayed if I found a piece of spaghetti in there?"
THE CLINTONS' VERSION OF "WE HAVE A DREAM" <img src=http://elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=1791379/>
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?' The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
Another Funny Oldie An old man was tired from riding his bike, and decided to hitch hike. A guy in his red Corvette pulled up to give him a lift. When the old man brought out his bike that he had leaned up against a tree, the driver said, "I have no room for your bike in my car, but I'd like to help you in someway seeing you standing here in the hot sun." After a few seconds of thought, the driver said, "I know what we can do. I have a rope behind my seat. I'll tie one end of it to the rear end of my car and the other end to the front your bike. You ride your bike, and I'll give you this whistle. If I go too fast for you, just blow your whistle and I'll slow down." The old guy agreed to it. So off he went down the highway with the old man and his bike in tow. A little ways down the rode, a young lady in a bright yellow corvette pulls up next to them. She gives the guy in the red Vette the High Sign, meaning "you want a drag?" Off they go down the highway, 100 plus MPH, the old man blowing his whistle like crazy. They zipped by a Highway Patrol cop sitting under a tree. The cop knew he couldn't catch them, so he called ahead to his fellow cop down the rode to intercept. "Car number 2, this is car number 1." "Go head number 1, what'cha got for me?" I got a red and yellow Vettes come down your way doing hundred plus, can you intercept?" "Ten-four, Is there anything else?" "Yeah, you wouldn't believe this, but there is an old guy riding a bicycle blowing his whistle trying to pass!"
I think we talked about this before, but there was a Barney Miller episode that played on this joke. It killed me. This working class guy was filing assault charges on a little oriental guy, remember this was 1975, and we still hated orientals, at least more than now, and Barney is trying to explain to the guy that the little fellow was performing the "Heimlich Manuever" because he was joking. Miller asked, "are you familiar with the Heimlich Manuever??" "Yeah", the guy says, " the Krauts pulled it in '44."
Jane Fonda says "Cunt" word on NBC: http://www.tmz.com/2008/02/14/jane-fonda-i-wasnt-into-cu-t/ Odd thing was, she wasn't talking about Hillary.
I think this might be Nutmeg's gardener: BTW, this is an actual fake ID by an illegal alien. "Give us your tired, your poor, your stupid........don't forget your stupid." <img src="http://elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=1792105 "/>