<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Qehxjub5lyo"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Qehxjub5lyo" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>
THE GOLFING NUN....... A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. "What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family." "It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ." "I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?" "Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!" "Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!" "Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother - 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green..and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!" "Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!" "No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!" "Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized Mother. "But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!" "So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile. "Nope,! that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!" Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said... "You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?"
Too much talking about hard boiled eggs. My adhd kicks in and need some relief: A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, clearly angry, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question." ******************************* (there HAS to be some better egg jokes out there), "I'll be back' he says with his best Ahnold voice.
Whatâs the difference between a hog and a man? A hog doesnât have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night just so he can fuck some pig. Why does a dog lick his ass? Because he knows he will be licking your face in about 5 minutes.
The complaint thread is so funny and off topic I googled some stalking jokes. Here's one: Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way. After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!" The rear tiger says "sorry" again and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action. The front tiger turns and says, "What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop." The rear tiger says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
Phoenix Blues The mayor of Phoenix was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Phoenix; no matter what he had tried, he could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Phoenix was full of pigeon poop, and the people couldn't walk on the sidewalks or drive on the roads safely. It was costing a fortune to try to keep the streets and sidewalks somewhat clean. One day a man came to City Hall and offered the mayor a proposition: "I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without any cost to the city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions. Or, you can pay me five million dollars and ask one question." The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition. The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat, and released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue Arizona sky. The pigeons followed the blue bird as she flew southward out of the city. The next day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall. The mayor was very impressed; he thought the man and the blue pigeon had performed a wonderful miraculous feat to rid Phoenix of the plague of pigeons. Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for 5 million dollars and told the man that indeed, he did have a question to ask even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the 5 million just to get to ask ONE question. The man accepted the money very happily and told the mayor to ask his question. At which point, the mayor asked: "Do you happen to have a blue Mexican?