A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.
A Letter from Men to Women To all women, On behalf of all men I would like to clarify a few points: The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location. Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing. When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response. When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it. If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch. If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it. If you don't like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault. I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look. Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready. Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV. If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair. And stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own. I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ. Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you. Thank you for your understanding, From all men.
Courses Women Should be REQUIRED to take Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits Parties: Going Without New Outfits Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up Introduction to Parking Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space Water Retention: Fact or Fat Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully PMS: Your Problem... Not His Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both TV Remotes: For Men Only
(oh boy, nutmeg isn't going to let this one go) So anyways, a family of pickles is sitting around the table, however, this is something that doesn't happen alot because the whole family is always busy. (yuk yuk getting out of a pickle or the're always in a pickle) so just before the family was going to partake in eating dinner, the father turns to the family and says "I really think we should relish this moment"
Expert Medical Care A couple was making their first doctors visit prior to the birth of their first child. After the exam, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wifeâs stomach with indelible ink. The man and his wife were curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the man took out his magnifying glass to try to see what is was. In very small letters, the stamp said, âWhen you can read this, come back and see me.â
Some federal reserve officials are taking a walk in the woods. Following a path, they come upon a USD dead on the ground. An analyst bends down, examines the USD carefully, and says: "I think we may be able to determine how the USD died." The former chairman says: "It makes no difference how it died--it wasn't MY fault." The PPT says: "Not another dead USD! How are we going to bury THIS one?" The new chairman carefully notes exactly what kind of USD it is, and looks around for more. Mad Money says, "Oh, this kind of USD death is never going to happen again." (sigh, another bad call) And the bond manager says: "This USD isn't dead! I swear, it's going to start flying around any minute now!"
I have a problem which I hope you guys can help me with. My mother and father are divorced. My brother is serving his second prison sentence for rape. My mother is 8 months pregnant by the neighbour next door and he refuses to marry her. I have one sister who supports Hillary. My other two sisters work the streets and hotels at night. My father lives off their earnings. Recently I met a very attractive girl, who is an ex-prostitute, and whom I love. She has three lovely children - one black, one Asian and one white. The problem is this, should I tell my girl about my sister who is going to vote for Hillary?