The Helsinki-Toronto flight was loaded with 400 passengers and only 200 lunches. The airline made a mistake and the crew was in a difficult situation. However, an intelligent flight attendant has come up with an idea. About 30 minutes after take-off, she announced: "Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know how this happened, but we have 400 passengers on board and only 200 lunches!" “Anyone who is kind enough to give up food for someone else will receive a free unlimited amount of wine throughout the flight.” Her next announcement was made 6 hours later: "Ladies and Gentlemen, if anyone wants to change their mind, we still have 200 lunches available!" " There is some type of moral to this story. However, I will need to drink more wine and dwell on it.
I got thrown out of Weight Watchers for dropping a bag of M&M's on the floor. Best game of Hungry Hippos I've ever seen...
A man gathers his three teenage sons out in his backyard, next to a burnt down shack. He says to them, “I know one of you burned down the outhouse. Which one of you did it?” The sons remained silent. The man said, “My sons, I want to tell you the story of George Washington. He chopped down his father’s prize cherry tree. When his father asked him about it, he said, ‘I cannot tell a lie, father. It was I who chopped down the tree.’ Rather than punishing him, his father rewarded him for his courage in telling the truth in difficult circumstances.” “So I ask you again, my sons: which of you burned down the outhouse?” The middle son came forward with his head hung down, saying, “Father, your story has shamed me. I was the one who lit the outhouse on fire.” At this point, the father picked up a branch and started after the middle son, who ran for his life! As he ran away, he shouted over his shoulder, “But father - what about George Washington and the cherry tree?” The father replied, “George Washington’s father wasn’t IN THE CHERRY TREE when he chopped it down!”
What do women and pools have in common? They cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you spend inside of them. (My wife informed me I'll be sleeping outside tonight - she said "Enjoy the pool while the snow is coming down".)