re: life Every morning, the CEO of a major bank in Manhattan went to the corner where a shoeshine man was always there. He used to sit on the chair, read the Wall Street Journal, and the shoeshine man gave his shoes a shiny, great look. One morning, the shoeshine man asks the CEO: "What do you think of the stock market situation?" The CEO arrogantly asks him: "Why are you so interested in this subject?" The shoeshine man replies: "I have 20 million dollars deposited in your bank and I am thinking about investing part of the money in the stock market." The CEO of the bank asks: "What is your name?" He replies: "John Smith H." The CEO arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Major Accounts Department: "Do we have a customer named John Smith H.?" He replies: "We certainly do, sir! He is an extremely esteemed customer! He has 20 million dollars in his account." The CEO leaves the bank, approaches the shoeshine boy, and says: "Mr. Smith, I would like to invite you to be our guest of honor at our board meeting next Monday and tell us your life story. I'm sure we will have a lot to learn from you." At the board meeting, the CEO introduces him to the board members: "We all know Mr. Smith, who makes our shoes shine like no one else. But Mr. Smith is also our valued customer, with twenty million dollars in his account. I invited him to tell us the story of his life. I'm sure we can learn a lot from him. Please, Mr. Smith, tell us your life story." Then, Mr. Smith began to narrate his story: "I came to this country thirty years ago as a young immigrant from Eastern Europe and with an unpronounceable name. I left the ship penniless in my pocket. The first thing I did was to change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started to wander in search for a job, but without success. Suddenly, I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought some apples. I had two options: eat the apples and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apples for 50 cents and bought more apples with the money. When I started accumulating dollars, I managed to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polishes and started cleaning shoes. I didn't spend a dime on fun or clothes. I only bought bread and cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while I bought a new set of brushes and shoe polishes in different shades and colors and increased my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved every penny. I managed to buy a chair so that my customers could sit comfortably while I cleaned their shoes, which brought me more customers. I didn't spend a dime on the pleasures of life. I kept saving every penny. A few years ago, when the corner shoeshine colleague decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his point, which was a better place than mine. Finally, 3 months ago, my drug dealer brother passed away and left me 20 million dollars.
Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Sick of the stress, he decided to quit his job and buy 50 acres of land in Alaska, as far from civilization as possible. The only human interaction he had was a visit from the postman once a week and a grocery delivery once a month. Aside from that, it was total peace and quiet. After about six months of nearly complete isolation, someone knocked on his door. He opened it to find a huge, bearded man standing there. "Name’s Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. I’m having a Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come, around 5:00." "Great," says Tom. "After six months out here, I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for the invite." As Lars turned to leave, he paused and added, "Gotta warn ya... there’ll be some drinkin’." "Not a problem," says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of ‘em." Lars started to walk away again, then stopped. "More’n likely there’ll be some fightin’ too." "Well, I get along with people, I’ll be fine," Tom reassured him. "I’ll be there. Thanks again." Lars hesitated for a moment, then added, "More’n likely, there’ll be some wild sex, too." Tom grinned, warming to the idea. "That’s really not a problem. I’ve been all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?" Lars gave a long look and said, "Don’t much matter... it’s just gonna be the two of us.
A family is driving on holiday when a frog crosses the road. The husband, who is driving, manages to stop the car in time. He gets out, picks up the frog, and moves it to the side of the road. The frog thanks the man and says, "I will grant you one wish." The man thinks for a moment and says, "Please make my dog win the next dog race." The frog asks to see the dog. The man opens the car door, and out limps a three-legged, overweight dog that can barely move. The frog looks at the dog and says, "I’m afraid your wish is nearly impossible. Can you make another wish instead?" The man thinks again and says, "Okay, then please make my wife win the next beauty contest." The frog asks the man to have his wife step out of the car. She gets out and approaches the frog. The frog looks at the wife, then turns back to the man and says, "Could I please take another look at the dog?"