An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you." Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?" She replies, "It's me... talking to the wine."
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals .......very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now . . . .
A man goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulls out a large syringe to give him an anesthesia shot. No way, no needles. I hate needles. The man exclaims, so she starts to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and the man says I can't do the gas thing either. Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me. The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objections to taking a pill. No, he says I'm fine with pills, so the lady dentist gives him two little blue pills, and he swallows them. What are those? Viagra tablets, she calmly replies. Well, I'm damned, said the man. I didn't know Viagra tablets worked as a painkiller. It doesn't, said by the dentist, but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.