An old man was driving his Lambo with 100 miles/hour when suddenly he saw the police chasing him. So, he starts speeding up, 140, then 150, then 180. Suddenly he slows down and thinks: "I'm too old for this." He pulls over and waits for the police to catch up. The officer gets out of the car and as he's heading to the old man, he says: "Sir, my shift is ending in 10 minutes. Today's Friday and I'm leaving this weekend with my family. If you give me a very good reason, but seriously, something I never heard before, I'll let you go" The old man looks at him, thinks very hard and says: "Years ago, my wife ran away with a policeman and when I saw you chasing me I thought you're bringing her back" "A good day to you sir" - said the policeman
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers. (Wait for it) She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....He in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed. "Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket." After a moment of silence, he farted.
Abubakar, a Nigerian businessman, goes to see his old university buddy Lao Wang, now living in Beijing. He arrives at Lao Wang’s apartment and notices a brand new Audi A6 parked outside, an Hermes belt gracing his belly and a brand new Rolex on his wrist. “My friend,” says Abubakar, “You have done well for yourself!” “Well,” says Lao Wang proudly, bringing him to the big bay window in his apartment, “Do you see that bridge over there?” “Yes I do! It’s a beautiful bridge.” “That’s my project!” Lao Wang grins, pointing a thumb at his chest. Abubakar is impressed, and leaves Beijing with many thoughts on how to get rich. Years later, Lao Wang finds himself in Lagos and hits up his old friend Abubakar, who invites him to his home. Lao Wang is almost bowled over by the opulence of the place. It is a mansion made of marble and gold. Two Rolls Royce are parked outside. He enters Abubakar’s massive office and immediately blurts out: “My friend, you have done VERY well for yourself!” “Well,” says Abubakar proudly, bringing him to a big bay window, “Do you see that bridge over there?” Lao Wang looks and looks, but turns to Abubakar, confused. “What bridge?” “That’s my project!” grins Abubakar. It’s a complaint I’ve heard many times from African friends when we compare corruption there and in China. In China, you get rich but you still allow the country to develop. The bridge gets built, even though it’s 20% more expensive because of bribes (or shittier materials). In Africa, the bridge doesn’t get built but the money disappears anyway. PS It is like billions that ngos give in aid to Gaza. The money disappears and the man in the souk gets nothing.