A blonde walks in a bank to get a loan. “I need to borrow $100 for a month,” she says. The banker frowns, but takes her information anyway. He runs her credit but can’t find a report. “I’m sorry,” he says, “but in the absence of a credit record, we’ll have to charge 20% interest on the loan, and you’ll need to put up collateral. “What does that mean?” the blonde says. “It means,” the banker says, “you’ll have to repay us $120, and you’ll need to give us something more valuable to hold onto until you pay us back.” “Something more valuable?” The blonde says. “How about my Ferrari?” The banker nearly snorts his coffee all over his desk, but he prides himself on customer service so he soldiers on. He runs the title on the Ferrari and what do you know, the blonde owns it free and clear. “Okay, he says, “I’ll print out the papers.” “Just so I understand,” the blonde says, “I give you my Ferrari and you give me a hundred dollars, right? And then in a month, I give you $120 and you give me my Ferrari back?” “Yes,” the banker says, “that’s the deal.” She signs the paperwork and hands him the keys. He counts out $100 for her and watches her saunter out the door. A month to the day later, he’s sitting at his desk when the blonde saunters back in. She hands him $120 and says “I get my car back, right?” “Yep, he says as he hands her the keys. She turns to go but he stops her. “Miss, I really have to ask, why did you use a $140,000 car as collateral on a $100 loan?” “Oh!” The blonde says. “I got called out of town unexpectedly on business. How else can I park a Ferrari for a month in Manhattan for only $20?”
A man takes his Blonde hair girlfriend to her 1st ever football game. Bought the best tickets for the home team, 50 yard line, front row. After the first quarter was over he asked her how'd she like the game so far. She said that she was having a good time, the men with tight fitting pants and big mussels. However there is one thing that I don't understand. I know that they flipped a coin to see who gets the ball first but once the game started everyone keeps hollering “get the quarter back”. I'm like hello it's only a quarter.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. ‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson. “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
A woman at the golf course is looking to get in a foursome the next day. She asks 3 gentlemen if she can join them, they discuss is and aren’t to hip to the idea but decide if they tell her the start time is 6 am she might not make it. She agrees but says she might be 15 minutes late. She shows up on time and beats them all by 5 strokes. The men are impressed and invite her the following day. She agrees but says she might be 15 minutes late. She shows up on time,plays left handed and Beats them all by 5 strokes again. They all head to the bar for a drink. One guys asks her how she decides to play left or right handed. She say,before i leave for the course i pull the sheet off of my husband. If his wanker is pointing to the right I play right handed, if its pointed to the left, I play left handed, If its pointed straight up….I’ll be 15 minutes late!!!
So after many years of losing I bought a ticket in the Euro millions and saw I had won the jackpot - a total amount of 120 million. Imagine my disappointment to learn that 4 other people had the same number and it had to be split 5 ways. Dear God when will my luck change.