I'm kinda famous around here, but just to the good looking women (sorry fly and nut). A couple cuties asked me how tall I was. I told them "6' 3, measured from the ground, up". They then asked how big my dick was. I told them "4 inches". They giggled and asked how I measured it. I told them: "Like always, from the ground, up"
Chuck Norris' farts are silent and deadly. Deadly because he's Chuck Norris, silent because his asshole is extremely loose.
Chuck Norris will ram his cock straight down the throat of anyone who calls him gay. He's just funny like that.
Chuck Norris found Nutmeg's jokes on the ET forum and said, "Shit! It's over." He spent the next four hours lying face down on his silk duvet cover crying into a down pillow. Anything less wouldn't have provided enough comfort.
Murphy's Other Fifteen Laws > > 1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear > bright until you hear them speak. > > 2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. > > 3. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. > > 4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. > > 5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. > > 6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. > > 7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. > > 8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting > something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. > > 9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, > someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them. > > 10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. > > 11. The things that come to those that wait, may be the things left by > those, who got there first. > > 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish > and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. > > 13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. > > 14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark. > > 15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of > twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Jack 'n Jill went up the hill to have a little fun But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son