So a relative called and asked me if I could loan her $400 to help her pay her rent. I told her...give me a minute let me check my account and I'll call you right back." Before I could check my funds, my aunt called and said, "Don’t give her any money because she's lying". My aunt proceeded to tell me that she wants to use that $400 to get her boyfriend out of jail because she wants to be under the same roof with him for the holidays!!! So I thought about it for a minute, and decided to go ahead and give her the $400. I called and said, "Come on, I got you." A couple hours later, I got a call from the County Jail, and it was her... "Why did you give me counterfeit money?!" So I replied with the best answer I could... "So you and your boyfriend would be under the same roof for the holidays. You’re welcome."
As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man. And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/BQqc4GKHoEI She's 94 y.o Her daugter is 75. ,, You're still coming to visit us ? Oh my goodness, how does it feel to be that old ?'' Asks mom who is 94.
First guy: “You won’t believe what I had to promise to get out fishing this weekend with you guys. I promised my wife I’d paint every room in the house next weekend.” Second guy: “That’s nothing! I had to commit to building a new deck to make it happen.” Third guy: “You guys got it easy! I had to assure my wife that I’d remodel the kitchen for her.” The fourth guy hadn’t uttered a word. So, they asked him, “You’ve been quiet about what you have to do to join us fishing this weekend. What’s your story?” Fourth guy: “I simply always set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it goes off, I turn off the clock, nudge the wife, and say ‘Fishing or Sex.’ She always replies, ‘Wear a sweater.'”