A guy driving a Kia pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce... The driver of the Kia rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got Wi-Fi in your Rolls? I’ve got Wi-Fi in my Kia!" The driver of the Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have Wi-Fi." The driver of the Kia says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I’ve got a fridge in the back seat of my Kia!" The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator." The driver of the Kia says, "That’s great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Kia!" The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, "Yes, I have a television, a Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!" The driver of the Kia says, "That's a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Kia!" Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped away. He went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up his car. The bed looked superb, complete with silk sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce. So, the driver of the Rolls drove around all day looking for the Kia... Finally, late that night, he finds the Kia parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. The driver of the Rolls gets out of his car and knocks on the Kia’s window. At first there is no answer, then the owner sticks his head out, soaking wet. "I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls said arrogantly. The driver of the Kia says, "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!"
One morning, as I stumbled into the kitchen half-awake, I found my partner standing there, elegantly preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast. The only thing she was wearing was her comfy 'T' shirt she normally slept in. Out of the blue, she turned to me with a soft voice and said, "You must make love to me right now!" My eyes widened with excitement and I thought, "Am I still dreaming or is this my lucky day?" Without wasting another moment, I embraced her passionately and gave it my all, right there on the kitchen table. After our unexpected rendezvous, she casually said, "Thanks," and went back to the stove, with her 'T' shirt still draped around her neck. Happily, yet slightly puzzled, I couldn't help but ask, "What was all that about?" She replied dryly, "The egg timer's broken."
A woman joins a country club, and when she hears some guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m." He figures the early tee-time will discourage her. The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late. They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay." She's there at 6:30am sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She's fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles and says, "I'll be there at 6:30, or 6:45." The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They're totally amazed... they can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her. The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge. This woman is a riddle no one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?" The lady blushes, and grins. "When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned that I was ambidextrous." she replies. "I like to switch back and forth." "When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit." "Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his 'willie' points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed." The guys think this is hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys smirks and says, "But what if it's pointing straight up?" With a twinkle in her eye, she answers, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."